Practices of Great Families

Here are my notes from the Willow Creek Community church message this last Sunday. The principles were very practical and I could identify with many of the examples. We all have dysfunction in our families, but we also have the opportunity to bring positive experience to our families as well.

1. Great families model their faith authentically
Key verse: Proverbs 14:26
Those who fear the Lord are secure; he will be a refuge for their children
Modeling faith is more important than teaching faith
Your kids and family will “do as you do” not necessarily “as you say”
You teach what you are but you model what you know
Starting and ending your day with prayer
Saying grace
Having a quiet time with God in the morning
Attending church
2. Great families identify and nurture uniqueness

Key Verse: Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength
Families should honor the uniqueness of children and their family members
Celebrate each person’s uniqueness instead of comparing differences. Comparing siblings personality will minimize their unique personality and God given gifts
Children belong to God and parents are entrusted to them by God
Do not live your fantasies or unfulfilled dreams through your children or relative.
Remember what it was like when you were compared to others, especially if you were gifted differently or did not excel in the same activities. Choose to nurture differences.
3. Great Families produce a unique family culture and identity

Don’t be fooled by society that your children and family must have the very best things all the time.
Don’t get caught up in trying to provide your family everything you did not get to have.
You owe your children/family is space in your life and space in their lives for you to spend quality time together.
You don’t owe your family every opportunity their is in life
Create family rituals
Family Game night or movie night
Eating dinner together
Family dance party
Have a media fast (put all cell phones, computers, video games away for a night) – and do an activity together
Think about what rituals you are creating and what that says about the value you put on your relationships and quality time. If you are constantly checking emails, voicemail, blackberry, texting, playing video games, etc., you are telling everyone else that your device or what you are doing right now is more important than spending time with them.
4. They develop character intentionally

Key Verse: Proverbs 1:1-3
These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel. Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair.
Kids/people need chances and consequences
Don’t overuse your authority
Allow children to experience the consequences for the choices they made. For example, if you need to get up at 7:30 am on Sunday to attend church services and the kids stayed up to 2 am watching movies, allow them to experience the consequence. The family made a commitment to attend church and everyone will attend church regardless of the amount of sleep received. Maybe the next time they will choose to go to bed earlier so that they will have a better experience waking up for church.
5. Great families seek out other spiritual advisors (adult spiritual advisors)

Key Verse: Proverbs 11:14
Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.
Take full advantage of the resource at your local church & communities (e.g. bible studies, student/children ministries, mentors, coaches, etc.
“It takes a village to raise a child.” – African Proverb
God is not trying to conform us to the same picture or society’s model picture – he wants us to be a redemptive example for others
Tips on disciplining a child

All negative statements should be about the child has done.
example: “Wow that was really mean”
Contrast the negative with something positive
Example: “Joey you are such a kind and smart kid”
Integrate the two statements’
You are such a smart boy, it is unlike you to lie and be mean to your sister" – I am really disappointed.
Do not condemn your children or others as a person. How you say things are just as important as what is said.
What is your favorite family tradition?