{"id":1827,"date":"2011-02-25T09:33:25","date_gmt":"2011-02-25T17:33:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.noomii.com\/?p=1827"},"modified":"2011-02-25T09:33:25","modified_gmt":"2011-02-25T17:33:25","slug":"so-you-think-theres-something-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.noomii.com\/blog\/?p=1827","title":{"rendered":"So you think there’s something more…"},"content":{"rendered":"
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You know that feeling you get when you look around at your life and wonder why, if everything is fine, you still feel a little lost.<\/p>\n

Within a split second, the guilt sets in and the gremlin takes over, chastising: \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cFine? You\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve got it great. You have food, a nice home, transportation, friends, family \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 you\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2ve got it all. What on earth do you have to complain about?\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d<\/p>\n

Applauding yourself for restraint, you avoid the temptation to adopt your best 14-year-old attitude and whine, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cI\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2m NOT complaining!\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d<\/p>\n

The longing for more is effectively silenced and the conversation closed\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u00a6for now.<\/p>\n

Does this feel familiar? Do you hear this \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cconversation\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153or some variation- rise and fall in your head as you go through your week? Maybe not every day, but enough to have a pattern for dealing with it, a script that settles things\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u00a6for the moment.<\/p>\n

When this happens, though your gremlin refuses to admit it, you are actually wrestling with one of the existential questions of life \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 the search for meaning.<\/p>\n

A good life is not the same thing as a meaningful life. And the search for a meaningful life does not necessarily lead to a dramatically changed life.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we seek meaning by finding something new, adding to our lives, or creating change. Other times, when we pay attention, we find meaning in the life we already have.<\/p>\n

Either way, allowing ourselves to search for meaning makes the greatest difference.<\/p>\n

Emphasizing meaning in life is a radical notion. We spend much of our time creating lives that are expected of us. We fulfill obligations and tether ourselves to increasing responsibilities. Somewhere along the path, many of us have lost touch with what we want for ourselves.<\/p>\n

Wouldn\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t it be amazing if standard cocktail party conversation shifted from, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cWhat do you do\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d? to, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cWhat do you want most in life?\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d Imagine how much more interesting the conversations would be?<\/p>\n

Here\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s the thing: to want deeply for ourselves has become a outrageous act. We are taught to want materially \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 and our culture reinforces that with every waking breath. But what is missing for many of us \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 men and women for different reasons \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 is the belief that we are entitled to the pursuit of meaning and happiness.<\/p>\n

Our forefathers knew this and wove it into the creation of our country. And they were not talking about iPads and home theaters but about the substantive things that bring purpose into our lives.<\/p>\n

I frequently work with my coaching clients about learning to let themselves want. It\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s been trained out of us, really. That four-year-old knew how to want, but somewhere along the road we were taught to fulfill expectations rather than pursue our dreams. So many of us don\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t know what we want anymore, much less how to go about creating it.<\/p>\n

For men, this often means that the need to \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cprovide\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d has superseded a deep-seeded desire to do work that is fulfilling. I am thinking of one client who would have been a spectacular artist, but the need to get a \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00cb\u0153real\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2 career diverted his path.<\/p>\n

For women, this often means that we put everyone else\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s needs ahead of our own, and we barely make it to the bottom of our own lists. I cannot count the number of clients whose \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00cb\u0153responsibilities\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2 have driven them to give themselves away. Personally, I embodied this role for many years, and still struggle with it on a daily basis.<\/p>\n

For all of us, what we lack is a genuine sense of entitlement to live fully.<\/p>\n

The funny thing is that most of us want that for those we love \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u20ac\u0153 our children, our parents, our friends, and sometimes even our spouses. We believe that people should be able to be happy and fulfilled. And yet at times it feels impossible to apply that belief to ourselves!<\/p>\n

There are no easy answers to finding meaning, for sure. But there are three tricks that could certainly help:<\/p>\n

1. The next time you hear yourself wondering if there is more, tell your gremlin to take a coffee break and indulge in the question. Allow yourself to wonder. You do not have to make your current life wrong in order to think about what else there could be for you or your family. You merely have to give yourself permission to dream. Radical.<\/p>\n

2. Start asking yourself, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cWhat do I want?\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d When you hear the gremlin-language of \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cShould\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d or \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cneed to,\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d substitute the word \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cwant.\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d And then just notice what happens, what you think about , how it feels.<\/p>\n

3. Start making an effort to be as nice and generous to yourself as you are to others. If you believe that people should be entitled to happiness, it\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s time to remember that you are a person, too. You are no exception. You deserve.<\/p>\n

Elaine Taylor-Klaus is a Life, Leadership and Executive Coach and the founder of Touchstone Coaching.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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