At World Class Parenting, we understand how fundamental the agreement process is to establishing harmony in a family.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 The Webster College Dictionary defines the word \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201charmony\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d as \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cbeing in a state of agreement.\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 We submit that the opposite is also true; when agreements fail, disharmony occurs.<\/p>\n
How we honor our agreements tells so much about our character and reliability both at home and at work.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 Take the person who is late for almost everything.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 You know that person who makes a date for lunch at 11:30 and doesn\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t show up until 11:50 or later?\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 How about the person who makes a phone appointment for 10:00am and doesn\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t call until 10:25am with some excuse or another–how does that sit with you?\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 The question is always, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cWhat is more important than honoring your agreement or respecting me?\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d<\/p>\n
When parents exhibit this behavior with their children, they are teaching that agreements can be altered without consent from the other party.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 Unless there is a clear understanding that the alteration has taken place, the other party can consider themselves dishonored and in many cases they do.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 Let\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s look at a typical example.<\/p>\n
A youngster reminds her parent that on Friday she is playing in a recital at school and asks the parent to attend.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 The parent responds with, \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cMaybe.\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 With that response in mind, the child is expecting her parent to attend.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 It\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s interesting how this word \u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c5\u201cmaybe\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00c2\u009d is considered a word of non-agreement; it is neither a yes or no. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0But, from a child\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s prospective it is a word of hope and expectation that sets them up for disappointment when the parent doesn\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2t show up.<\/p>\n
In a child\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s mind, when the most important person in their life states they are *probably* going to do something there is an expectation that it *will* happen, just as it is in the mind of a client at work.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 When that promise is broken without acknowledgement the consequences are the same– a loss of trust.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 In many cases the loss of trust at home is forgiven but rarely forgotten–the same is happening with the client.\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0 Is your word really your bond?<\/p>\n
Look for the next article about how to set up agreements that work from Frank Brogni, ACC, CPC, family relations coach and co-founder of World Class Parenting, where we believe that from the boardroom to the bedroom, from the lunch table to the kitchen table, it\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s all the same<\/p>\n