What should you look for when scouting for a coach? \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0While some of us have been trained to say that a good coach can coach anyone, I’m not sure I believe that. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0In part, what makes a coach good is what the client brings to the relationship.<\/p>\n
So, in looking for a coach — especially if you have never done coaching or had counseling before — its helpful to start with having as clear an idea as possible about the outcome you want. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0For example, if you want less conflict in parenting your child, a business coach may not be the best choice, just because that’s not where our expertise lies. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0Or if you want coaching on becoming an entrepreneur, the expertise of a spirituality or life coach might not provide all of what you are seeking.<\/p>\n
But regardless of professional expertise, what makes a successful coaching relationship are some of the personal traits a coach demonstrates during an initial exploratory call. Here’s a checklist to guide you:<\/p>\n
1. is s\/he flexible but focused?
\n2. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0does\u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0s\/he listen beneath my words to hear my fears and resistances?
\n3. is s\/he respectful of my perspectives?
\n4. is s\/he respectful of allied providers, like therapists, that I may have previously worked with?
\n5. is s\/he open to learning about my practices?
\n6. can s\/he be talked into doing what I want when it’s not best for me?
\n7. does s\/he refrain from judging or lecturing me?
\n8. does s\/he voice compassion for my frustration with my progress?
\n9. does s\/he try to stretch my comfort zone?
\n10. will s\/he broaden my horizons?
\n11. will s\/he give me space but also check in so I know I’m not in it alone?
\n12. will s\/he be available for emergencies or questions?<\/p>\n
Coach and coachee should both feel a “click” \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0— an almost palpable sense that one can help and be helped. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0Both coach and coachee should end sessions feeling good about what has been discovered or accomplished, or intrigued and energized by the conversation, or at least willing to reflect on the discomforts that have arisen. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0Since coaching is about growing in new directions and being supported in opening up to bigger possibilities, it’s not always fun and joyous — sometimes it’s scary, frustrating and down right hard work that nonetheless pays off for you in producing a transformative outcome.<\/p>\n
But at times there can be unhealthy processes during the coaching experience for each party to watch out for. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0I would also consider the following to be traits of unhealthy processes during coaching:<\/p>\n
1. a focus on actions to the exclusion of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, motivations, and celebrations
\n2. denial of the importance of spirituality in wholeness and success
\n3. sessions that are unfocused or in which there is a lot of resistance
\n4. lack of action tasks
\n5. being asked to do something beyond boundaries that are good for you
\n6. being allowed to delay payment
\n7. lack of input to an action plan
\n8. no discussion of coaching goals
\n9. no discussion of how to know when coaching will be completed
\n10. constant focus on what\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s wrong instead of also working on what\u00c3\u00a2\u00e2\u201a\u00ac\u00e2\u201e\u00a2s strong and could be stronger<\/p>\n
Most coaches I know possess the traits outlined above, and avoid these unhealthy processes. But each of us will “click” differently with each of you. \u00c3\u201a\u00c2\u00a0That’s where personal style, level of energy, and shared background experience play a role. When you bring your authentic self to the coaching relationship, and a good coach will meet you where you are, it can ultimately help you get to where you can dare to be.<\/p>\n