You've been wasting the most precious gift
Posted on October 16, 2020 by Louis Morrissette, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Perfectionism is real. Even though I've done a lot of work to manage it, sometimes it gets the better of me. We are not perfect.
“You’ve been wasting the most precious gift. You are guilty.”
It’s all I’ve been hearing for the past week.
I’ve seen my past as being a great support for where I am now. The reflections from my brother’s suicide almost 11 years ago have been very present. I’ve accepted that it happened and have seen it as a gift. A huge push to live my life fully and embrace it all.
I’ve accomplished so much and grown a lot! From reading books and taking classes, to working on my mindset and being more present. I’ve contributed through various jobs, traveled, bought a home. I’ve even changed careers to match up with my own values of what I wanted to be. I get to go out in nature whenever I want and feel the sunlight on my face. I’ve connected with the spiritual side of my being.
Yet I feel like I’ve let myself down. It’s never enough. This is what perfectionism looks like.
I’m not “cured”. I still struggle with it daily. I make better choices and I notice when I’m getting into the old habits, but this week has been pretty bad and it took me days to realize it.
In those times nothing gets done, because it won’t be done “right”. It’s doing things in the pre decided order and not being willing to change that. If the first task is held up because of a slight hesitation, the whole day gets thrown out of whack. All or nothing mentality is king. “I need to be perfect.” was taking over.
I struggled with making progress on something that was in hindsight not important at all. Nothing else moved forward. Dirty dishes on the counter. The house is a mess. I didn’t reach out to anyone who I could potentially help. I didn’t shower until this morning. It became all consuming.
It’s so fucking frustrating and exhausting. All I was seeing is what wasn’t done yet refusing to let go of what was holding me back. I didn’t ask for help.
This used to be how every week would go. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot about myself and have tools to avoid getting sucked in and some to get myself out. This week was more challenging than my usual and I fell flat on my face.
Have you ever seen one of those obstacle races like the Spartan Race or Tough Mudder? The best person to help you when you’re climbing one of those walls is the person that is just a little bit ahead of you on top of the obstacle. They just went through the first part and are still in it.
We’re always looking for the next step. Growing is a collective movement. We need each other to work together so real change can happen. Every time I coach a client they grow a little bit. New perspectives, revelations about themselves, a tool they hadn’t considered before. And every time I coach a client, I learn too.
You don’t have to be perfect. This is for you as much as it is for me.