The Number One Key to Making Your Relationships Work.
Learning to only control what is within your control.
As I reflect on my current relationship, I have come to the realization that this is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. I have come from a couple of less than healthy relationships where there was a lot of nastiness and negativity in some form; arguing and yelling, mistrust and miscommunication, and personal attacks.
So, what makes this one different and happier?
Well, there are so many aspects that make it that way. First, we have great intellectual conversations, we make each other laugh, we understand each other, and we respect each other. Secondly, and most importantly, we both agree on this one particular piece. A piece, I believe, to be the top reason relationships work – and not just romantic relationships either.
That key lies in the answer to this question: “What is it that I can give to the relationship to make it better?” So often we think that we “need” things from our relationships, when in essence those things turn out to be “wants”; and yes there are certain things we do “need” in a relationship to make it work. I am not trying to discount that piece. However, it has been my experience and observation that we tend to focus on ourselves and what we expect to get from that person – or expect to get from the relationship itself- that many times we forget to truly focus on what we can give to that person or to the relationship.
If we shift our perspective from ourselves and onto the others, it can result in taking personal responsibility to making a better “space” for that relationship to exist. It really does fall back to the age old saying of “you get what you give”.
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