Cathartic comes in all forms
The past is something to learn and grow from, not something that should take up space and prevent us from experiencing something new and different.
For the last year I have been working on a program called the Internal Beauty Boot Camp and it’s a fair to say that this Boot Camp is probably one of the most pivotal and important projects that I have created and participated in. You see, part of my work on this program has included facing up to and healing some wounds of my own. What I have also found that in writing this program and now working with others on the program I am having to be very vulnerable not just with others, but with myself by being open about what has hurt me in order to move past it. While most of the hurt happened many moons ago, it has left behind some residue. It was with that residue in mind that I wrote the following letter to my younger self. (Inspired by a very special and dear person who did the same thing not so very long ago. It was her vulnerability and her honesty with herself that came to me as I was writing and so I thank her from the bottom of my heart for paving the way. TJ, you are the best!)
Dear Younger Pam,
Life has a tendency to deal us a hand of cards that we are not quite prepared or even wanting to play with. We may even look at them and ask the question, “Why me?”
Why you indeed? Because, Pam you were meant to learn from those cards so that you could pass along all that you have learned to others. Honestly Pam….
There will be times when you feel completely alone, where you feel that no one understands you.
There will be times when you will hurt, a hurt that feels never ending and makes you consider not being around any longer and worse, trying to end it.
There will be times when you may wish to rage and scream at the top of your lungs.
There will be times when all you feel like doing is to cry.
There will be times when you will look in the mirror and not like what you see, more times than not actually.
There will even be times that no matter how hard you try to be something you are not in order to fit in, you won’t…
and believe me, that’s a good thing. For you, my dear, Pam were not not born to be someone or something you are not. You were meant to be you!
Just know, it’s OK. It’s OK to feel. It’s OK to cry because crying is healing and cleansing. You are entitled to your fears, they help you to recognize what’s most important to you. You are entitled to feel alone (never fear, you understanding you will minimize that feeling of being alone), to rage, and to feel hurt. Most importantly, you are more than entitled to be here! YOU DESERVE TO BE! PERIOD! Oh, and just remember Pam, your heart is what others see and that heart is a beautiful thing. No one will care what size jeans you are wearing or whether your hair is just so.
Feeling your feelings only makes you human and being human as you are is a beautiful thing. You are beautiful as you! Never allow anyone else to make you feel otherwise for doing so is tantamount to handing over your power which only you deserve to have. Always remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one has the right to make you feel inferior without your consent.” Oh, and very important, Pam…remember, you are never ever truly alone, you have ME!
Your Older Self