How To Leverage Relationship Intelligence For Better Video Calls

Posted on April 01, 2021 by Terry Lipovski, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

Being able to understand and connect with people is fundamental for success in any work environment. To nobody’s surprise, people who are aware of non-verbal behaviour and can interpret what is being said are more in-tune with their colleagues. They build more trusting relationships and are better at influencing the engagement and motivation that are needed for effective teamwork.

Unfortunately, since March, 2020 most of us have been handcuffed in practicing this aspect of Relationship Intelligence. The global pandemic has forced us to narrow our interpersonal awareness to a small window and limited insight. The move to video conferencing means that that we are seeing others only from the shoulders up, for more limited time intervals and with less insight into the circumstances that they are dealing with off-camera.

Before the pandemic, we could see an employee’s nervous fidgeting during a difficult conversation, notice their foot tap with impatience or see them check their smartphones during an important presentation. Now, using video conference platforms like Zoom, Teams< WebEx and MeetFox, we have fewer non-verbal queues to lean on to interpret meaning in social situations. All signs point to this trend of online meetings continuing even after vaccines have been administered. So if wide-spread video conferencing is here to stay, we need to figure out how to adapt our ability to listen with our eyes and meaningfully connect with people in a virtual environment.

Becoming a Ninja at Reading People Online

As many people know, body language is a rich field of communication, accounting for even more meaning than spoken words. Unfortunately we have lost much of this when our interactions moved online. The good news is we still have a great deal of non-verbal communication value in facial expressions.

Leveraging the groundbreaking research from eminent Psychologist Dr. Paul Eckman, we know that there are seven universal “Micro-Expressions” that reliably and validly communicate emotions. These facial expressions can be incredibly brief, sometimes as short of a fraction of a second, so becoming more skillful at identifying them can be enormously helpful. Here are some telltale signs of the Seven Universal Micro-Expressions:

1. Disgust:

· Teeth are shown

· Nose is crinkled up

· Eyebrows are scrunched down

2. Anger:

· Eyebrows are forced down

· Forehead has two deep, verticale lines

· Eyelids are tightened on lower lid

· Lips are tensed

3. Sadness:

· Mouth is pulled down at corners

· Lower lip is puffed out

· Eyebrows are pinched at the inner corners

· Eyes may appear glassy

4. Happiness:

· Mouth is curved upward into a smile. This can be fake unless it’s paired with…

· Teeth are slightly apart

· Upper cheek muscles are engaged for a True Smile

· Eyes reflect the smile

5. Fear:

· Eyelids and Eyebrows jump back out of the way to maximize visual acuity

· Eyebrows are flat

· Mouth opens, jaw drops to take in oxygen

6. Surprise:

· Similar to fear, but face is elongated more

· Horizontal forehead wrinkles

· Eyelids are open, showing whites of the eyes

· Eyebrows are raised, separated and curved unto upside-down U’s

· Jaw is dropped

7. Contempt

(This is a dangerous one as it often hides anger or hatred, and it’s hard to spot):

· Mouth is asymmetrical, raised on one side, like a smirk

Although we know these signs intuitively, it is helpful to conceptualize them as we continue to adapt to this unnatural method of meeting people. Practice these expressions in the mirror or with a family member so that you are able to recognize them during virtual meetings, when it matters.

Connecting With Others Virtually

“As our methods of communication become more digital, our lives become more analogue”

The on/off nature of Work Life vs Home Life has now becoming intertwined. People attend to their kids between meetings and answer emails at 10:15pm. More than ever, we need a holistic perspective to interpersonal connections.

But separation is inherent in video conferencing and this can contribute to a lack of understanding and an unhealthy indifference into the well-being of our colleagues. If the facial expressions you are seeing lead to concern about how someone is doing, be deliberate – Ask what they might be dealing with behind the scenes.

Of course, there are caveats. This should never be done in public, it should always be done in private. Additionally, you should be careful to not push so much that you are invading someone’s privacy. Still, the point is that we should not allow our methods of communication to erode the quality of human to human connection. How do we reconcile this?

Before asking how a colleague is doing, state your intentions. Sharing that your concern comes from a place of caring. This will usually help people feel comfortable enough that your inquiry is coming from a genuine place of concern for their well-being.

Also, keep in mind that there is a tendency in our society to pay lip service to answering these questions. We have become so accustomed to people asking “How are you doing?” Most people will answer in one of two ways: “Busy”, or “Fine”. If you hear either of these two responses, you should know that you have not done a good enough job at articulating your intention to care for their well-being. Back up, clarify your intention, and then listen non-judgementally. Don’t try to fix a problem that you might hear, but rather, stay curious a little longer and ask them what they have done about it, and what they are inclined to do.

Conclusion

The global pandemic has accelerated our trajectory toward virtual communication. This has made it more difficult to build and maintain quality interpersonal connections and teamwork that organizations depend on. Improving our ability to understand non-verbal communication and respond with intentional caring will allow us to avert indifference and instead, maintain a healthy, holistic balance that benefits all concerned.