What is Self-Compassion and How to Practice It.
Posted on May 04, 2021 by Brianne Mundt, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
As humans, we're really hard on ourselves and self-critical. We stew on things we've done and resent our actions and sometimes, ourselves.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
– Buddha
As humans, we’re really hard on ourselves and self-critical. We stew on things we’ve done and resent our actions and sometimes, ourselves. Whether it be eating the last slice of someone else’s pie or saying something cruel to a loved one; we harbor that guilt and resentment and carry it around with us. It’s terrible and it gets to be too heavy to lug around forever. We get weighed down, tired and angry – we lash out at others. And then the cycle repeats. . . So, how do we let this go and move forward? Self-compassion.
We need to understand that it’s exhausting to constantly expect perfection and consistency from ourselves and others. Human beings are fundamentally irrational. We wrestle with logic and emotion in nearly every decision we make, we change our minds and then change them again. For example:
“Should I be feeling this way? This seems over the top and dramatic, I need to get a handle on myself. I’m overreacting.”
“Should I make that extra payment on my loan, or pocket the money in case I want to take a trip or invest in the stock market?”
“Should I tell them that I don’t want to hang out because I just want to sleep or go anyways since I made a commitment? Ah, but I really want to sleep.”
Etc.
Okay, so we’re all irrational in one way or another. How does that help us not regret decisions, hold onto past mistakes and dislike ourselves (or at least a part of ourselves)?
I define self-compassion as a practice of allowing for mistakes, learning from them and then shaking them off because you know you’re a badass and you love yourself. Self-compassion leads to self-love and self-worth. It allows you to have empathy and understanding for others; be less judgmental/critical, be more present, happy and at peace.
Self-Compassion is a practice that needs to continuously be employed. A few ways to do this:
1. Develop a growth mindset.
If you keep making the same mistake(s), create a plan to learn and grow from them. This can be a list of actions, developing a new routine, trying something new, etc. The main thing is to refuse to be stagnant and think: “this is the way things are.” You have control of your actions, environment and mindset. If you come at things with a more positive light, you’ll cultivate a growth mindset and be able to cope with difficult things.
2. Get out of your head and learn to trust your gut.
If you’re spiraling and stewing on something specific, try meditating, going on a walk or writing in a journal. This can create a clearer picture, allow you to take a deep breath and move forward. It can be difficult to tell the difference between your gut and your emotions. Once you’re in tune with your body and mind, you‘ll be able to recognize when your gut is telling you something. Trust it.
3. Surround yourself with empathetic people.
We are a product of our surroundings. If we’re surrounded by negative people who complain and judge – we need to find new people. Find people and opportunities that will lead to growth, fun and positivity.
4. Love yourself.
Loving yourself is a thing we all need to work on and consciously devote effort to. If you don’t like yourself, it’s going to be hard to be compassionate and understanding towards yourself when you mess up – which you will. It happens. Compassion and love go hand in hand. A quick exercise to get you started: make a list of “My Badassery.” This list can consist of anything you like about yourself; things unique to you/your personalty, or something that you did that you thought was great, etc. For example, here are a few things from my list:
You could live off tacos for the rest of your life
Your favorite scent is campfires
You hand out granola bars to homeless people in your car
You can rap all of “Rap God” by Eminem
You don’t really like “Rap God” by Eminem
5. Acknowledge that you’re human.
You’re bound to make mistakes, the best you can do is learn from them. If you carry around resentment, guilt and self-criticism; you’re only punishing yourself further. You’re wasting precious time and energy that could be better spent growing. If you accept that perfection is a ridiculous thing to expect, you can laugh off the missteps, learn to take a breath, tell yourself “I’m human” and move forward.
For more in-depth info about self-compassion, reach out for a session!
