Tips for Building a Healthy & Strong Relationship
Posted on October 24, 2011 by Leanne Clarkson, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Studies show that people with healthy relationships have more happiness and less stress. Here are 10 tips for building healthy & strong relationships!
1. Be Accountable – Make a conscious commitment EVERYDAY to eliminate blame, criticism, and invalidation from your side of the relationship. If it leaks out, acknowledge it, and apologize to your partner
2. Give the Gift of Appreciation – Notice the positive things about your partner and express appreciation for those things he/she says or does—no matter how small!
3. Take Time to Nurture the Love – Be generous in your appreciation of your partner. Make sure you explore the many ways to express it. The way love is felt is: through loving, kind touch; through spending quality time together where you put the total focus on nurturing each other; through words of affirmation where you express the deep appreciation you have for each other; through acts of service where you do things for each other; and through thoughtful gifts that you give one another. Be creative. Have fun! (read ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman)
4. Be the Change You Want in the Relationship – Have a hard look at yourself and notice the behaviors YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you want something different, you need to do something different!
5. Develop Compassion for Your Partner and for Yourself – Reactive, defensive thoughts, words and behavior are ways we protect ourselves from perceived ‘danger’. Notice when you are reacting and ask yourself, “What am I so afraid of? Why am I taking this personally?” Then do some digging (journaling is good) and see what you come up with.
6. Give Away More of the Things you Aren’t Getting – If you notice your partner isn’t giving you the things you want from him/her, there’s probably something lacking within you. When we give from our hearts, we receive tenfold. Give not only to your partner but to others around you. If you want more love, give more love. If you want more attention, give more attention. If you want more time with your partner, give more time of yourself. If you want more help, help out more.
7. Use Relationship as a Way for You to Understand Yourself – Meet each other when challenged and share what is true for you without blame or judgment. We are all learning and growing. Be compassionate with yourself and each other
8. Get your Needs Met Maturely – Ask very specifically for what you need and say ‘why’ it is important to you. Your partner cannot read your mind and actually experiences life differently than you do! Declaring what you need is a very adult and mature way of communicating.
9. The Journey – Know that both romantic love and the power struggle are not the destination, but are stages on the road to ‘real love’. Frustration and conflict are keys for healing and growth for both of you!
10. Be Patient – Most relationships can be ‘saved’ and transformed, and getting rid of the partner does not get rid of the ‘problem’! If you think you need help, call Leanne for an appointment. You can create the relationship you want.