Becoming a true Growth Partner

Posted on September 13, 2022 by Stefanie Schlosser, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

A true growth partner is someone who points out and believes in the highest version of yourself even if you’re facing trauma or experience moments of unconscious behavior. To be honest, we all have them, those moments when childhood trauma gets triggered and we fall into old patterns of mostly unconscious behavior. Even one who is on a path of awakening and finding back to one’s true and authentic self, the essence of the SELF beyond all trauma and conditionings, will most probably get caught in moments of unconscious drama from time to time. Being self-inquisitive, open-minded and highly interested in one’s own personal development and transformation doesn’t equal the illusionary state of being perfect.

In fact, real growth and transformation happens in loops, like the famous and ancient symbol Unalome shows. After we’ve learned certain lessons in life, the universe will give us opportunities to proof that; So to say to check the status of our transformation. At times, we manage critical situations with newfound ease, rising up proudly about the awareness we’ve brought to the space and the former triggers we’ve identified and chosen to not act upon them. Other times, however, we fall back into our unconscious patterns. Childhood traumas might play out as dramas and momentarily it might seem like there would have no growth at all been happening.

These moments can cause a feeling of disappointment, even despair, both for the one acting out and their loved ones and growth partners.

Now, if this is happening in the presence of a loved one who ideally is one’s closest and most intimate growth partner as well, that person has the chance to respond in two fundamentally different ways. The first one, however, could be considered a reaction more than a conscious response:

1) Seeing the played-out drama as bigger than it actually is and as incompatible with the personal growth journey, their partner seemed to be on. They might even ridicule the development that had occurred until that moment, comparing the “conscious” or “spiritual” self with the “drama queen/king” of that specific moment.

2) Seeing beyond the drama of the moment and acknowledging that all of it is part of the journey, instead of this one situation opposing the entire process. Everything is in divine order and what might seem like setbacks or failures are in fact just part of the process, the bigger picture. So, in the critical moment, one self or one’s growth partner has the chance to acknowledge the shown behavior and possibly point out the mis-alignment between the drama and one’s higher values and state of consciousness. Anything like “Is this behavior aligned with what you truly want from life?” or “Are you fully aware of what’s happening here and do you consciously choose to act the way you do?” or even “Would you like to take a pause to check the alignment of your behavior with your values?” could do miracles. Too often the person caught up in the drama isn’t able to ask these questions to themselves. That’s where the priceless role of a growth partner comes in – one who witnesses another’s journey, lovingly holding them accountable, not judging any of their steps but rather accepting the uniqueness of each and every step in the process.

The fundamental difference between those two approaches is that in the first one, the drama, as I call it shortly, is seen as opposite to the spiritual path of self-discovery and transformation. Furthermore, it is used to ridicule one’s journey and even one’s ambitions for the future, like “Do you really think you can do xyz?” and “You did xyz program??? Well, it doesn’t seem like it has had any effect”. Such statements are highly discouraging, even destructive to the other’s self-worth. Why would one choose to point out the drama as more real, more valid and timelessly true instead of focusing on the person’s best version and their highest values? Even logically it doesn’t make great sense, since the drama time usually just takes up a small percentage of all time spent with that person or in that environment.

The danger of those falsely chosen focus points is not to be overlooked. I have found myself in such situations many times and unfortunately, I’ve mostly been met with the reaction number 1.
Out of this personal experience I can tell that to me it only served as another trigger point, increasing any drama at play and even adding disappointment about myself, and anger about the other one who was so unsupportively pointing out the worst in me. Shortly said, it never made anything better but always made me feel abandoned and dumped because of not being good enough, not having made it up to another’s and my own expectations.

If we get the chance to support a friend or loved one going through situations that push their triggers and make them react in drama, let’s rise up and see beyond the surface. Most probably they either aren’t aware of the pattern they’re stuck in, or they might partly be conscious of it but still be unable to take a step out. Either way, we can offer a helping hand instead of a pointing finger. It will certainly be for the best of all, supporting their growth and resolving situations faster and easier than if we choose to empty a barrel of oil in the burning fire. You too can become a real growth partner for another, supportive, loving and committed to bring out the best in yourself and the other.