Languages of Love - How to Learn and Grow in Relationships

Posted on November 05, 2011 by Deborah Ainsworth, One of Thousands of Family Coaches on Noomii.

How to Learn and Grow in Relationships

One of the basic human needs is to feel intimate and loved by another person. Many times when “languages of love” is heard, the first thought that comes to mind is the love between partners, spouses. However, the languages of love apply to all relationships, and especially within a family dynamic. The languages of love are in essence what allows a person to feel loved, the behavior someone they love can do to make them feel of value and “special”.

When considering the family dynamic it is very important to learn the languages of love of all members of the family. Once this is understood, the power of adapting to the needs of others provides a venue to truly grow and build healthy relationships.

There are five basic values within the languages of love:

1) Words of Affirmation – Powerful and valuable. This includes the person who feels loved when they are given encouragement, receive kindness and hear uplifting comments to support their life and goals. Kindness in words, reactions, response, silence and tone.

2) Use of Time – This love language provides support and caring through sharing of time. This includes undivided individual attention to a person that is loved and nothing else. Togetherness and quality time and quality conversations. More listening and less saying is an essential ingredient to this language. This is a universal need in children.

3) Gifts – The sharing of gifts, gifts of monetary value or gifts of presence. This gift is not based on the actual cost of the gift, but more on the thought behind the gift. This language has focus on the giving of gifts. Examples include a gift for a goal accomplished to make the loved one feel special and appreciated.

4) Service – This language is specific to doing for others. Chores being done around the house, or helping with a task that is normally not gender specific to the givers role. This area also has focus on positive statements, including “I” statements that share how you feel when a service is not completed by the partner or family member, versus nagging or criticizing what has not been completed.

5) Physical Touch – Touching is an expression of love. The goal of this language is to express love to a loved one. Implicit physical touch includes a hug or sitting close, where explicit within partners/spouse includes more intimate attention such as massages. Touching the body is a sign of recognition and can be especially significant in times of crisis or emotional distress.

When the language that your partner or family member is defined, you can adapt to that language and provide support to that family member. In couples, when the language is identified it builds harmony within the marriage and closeness. Take some time to determine if you know the languages of love within your own household and see what you may have been missing.