Marriage Maintenance: The Weekly Summit

Posted on March 14, 2023 by Johanna Nauraine, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Two career couples with children often find themselves so busy they have little time for each other and their relationship. One of several outcomes seems to derive from this lack of quality time together.

It’s not uncommon for small issues to build up and become big ones. This can lead to resentment or to explosive encounters where one or both dump everything they’ve been upset about. (See my article, Fair Fighting). Neither of these is a productive method for resolving conflict and both can lead to distance in the relationship.

Emotional closeness is essential to the survival of a long term relationship. Busy couples need to develop habits that contribute to maintaining closeness.

One suggestion I often make to couples is that they hold a weekly summit. The weekly summit is an opportunity for each partner to communicate with the other about experiences that occurred in their relationship during the week. I recommend the following format.

Guidelines for The Weekly Summit

1. Choose a quiet time and place for your conversation.
2. Turn off all forms of media and remove distractions.
3. Sit in a comfortable place facing each other.
4. Assume an attitude of respectful openness.
5. Only one person speaks at a time.
6. The speaker has the floor until they are completely finished with their three positive comments and their three negative comments.
7. The listener listens without interrupting.
8. The listener maintains an attitude of open curiosity no matter what the speaker is saying.
9. The speaker begins by mentioning 3 things they appreciate about the other’s behavior during the week.
10. The speaker follows up their appreciation by making three complaints or requests for change or improvement in the other’s behavior.
11. The listener should acknowledge each positive statement after it’s made and each negative statement after it’s made.
12. The listener should respond to the other’s request for change by agreeing to what’s been asked or by proposing an alternative.
13. Once both people have had a chance to state their positives and negatives and once agreement has been reached concerning the requested changes, the summit is over.

The weekly summit does not need to be lengthy. In fact, it shouldn’t take a lot of time. However, making a regular practice of conducting this meeting will help maintain and sustain emotional closeness in your relationship.

Johanna Nauraine is a coach, specializing in premarital, marital, infertility and divorce coaching. Read more of her relationship articles at www.johannascouch.com.