How your grocery list can help your relationship
Posted on September 11, 2023 by Mallory Metzger, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Create healthier communication in your relationship by shifting your brain to look for what you want rather than what you don't want.
How your grocery list can help your relationship
Written By Mallory Metzger
Imagine it’s Saturday morning and your partner says “I am going to the grocery store, what would you like?”
Scenario 1: You respond, “mmm, I don’t know. I didn’t like that bread you got the last time and the milk went bad. We don’t drink that much milk.” Your partner goes grocery shopping and comes back without any of snacks you like and there isn’t much for your lunches.
Scenario 2: You respond, “can you get those sesame crackers I like? Here is a list of ingredients for a dish I want to make.” They return from the store, and you have yummy snacks and are ready to make lunch for the week.
In the first scenario, the person has a hard time asking for what they want. It is easier for them to say what they don’t want or to criticize and blame. The second scenario, the person asks for what they want and is specific. The second scenario is more likely to get the person what they want and maintain harmony between the couple.
Here are some examples of how the habits in scenario 1 can show up in a romantic relationship:
“You don’t do anything romantic anymore” “You’re always on your phone” “I do everything around here” Partner 1: “What do you want to do?” Partner 2: shoulder shrug “I don’t know, whatever.”Now let’s turn these around to asking for what you want:
“Let’s go for a picnic. It’s beautiful out and it would be a fun date.” “I would like to have phone free dinners.” “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the to-do list. Will you take care of laundry and lunches this week?” Partner 1: “What do you want to do?” Partner 2: “Let’s play that new game we got.”Notice if you feel any resistance reading the second set of responses. You may think, “I shouldn’t have to ask for …” Or “they should know ….” It would be fantastic if our partners always knew what we wanted. I don’t even know what I want a lot of the time. It is an unrealistic trap to expect others to know what we want without telling them.
If you struggle with figuring out what you want, feel, desire, and want to work on it, I’m here. Or if you know what you want but struggle voicing it, reach out. Let’s practice making a really great grocery list.
