How To Deal With Your Feelings When Someone Else Becomes Pregnant & You Haven't
Posted on November 13, 2023 by Frances Jones, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
This is for the woman who is struggling with infertility. The emotional turmoil is challenging, but it doesn't have to control your life.
A relative. A co-worker. A friend.
They come to you with the news that they are pregnant. And even though you want to be happy for them, you find it difficult to celebrate their wonderful news. You find yourself dealing with mixed emotions and try to rationalize the real problem that’s preventing you from rejoicing with them. It’s because you are hurting inside. Questions begin to race through your mind. Why them and not me? What have I done that is so wrong? When will it be my turn?
The smile on your face does not represent the heartache you carry within. You think to yourself, “How can I let anyone know how I truly feel.” Instead of dealing with your heartache and disappointment, you continue to pretend and perform this masquerade.
The guilt you feel for not being completely happy about the announced pregnancy weighs just as heavy as the silent pain you are feeling for not being able to conceive. You begin to rationalize with thoughts that maybe next time it will be me, but “next time” doesn’t ever seem to come. What should I do? Is it normal to feel this way? Does this make me a bad person?
These are perfectly normal thoughts and responses when dealing with infertility issues. You don’t need to feel guilty. Acknowledge that you are having the feelings, but don’t beat yourself up. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not flawed. You are perfect.
Your life path just looks a little different. Be open and honest about how you feel. Speak to those around you who can offer support. This may be your spouse, your sibling, or perhaps your best friend.
My sisters and husband were huge support systems for me in some areas, but there were emotional parts of my journey that I didn’t share with anyone. It is completely understandable if you feel like no one really knows what you are dealing with…especially if they haven’t been through it personally.
Reach out for additional support if you need it. You do not have to handle everything alone.
I am here if you want to talk to someone who gets it and has lived through it. You don’t have to suffer in silence. You don’t have to keep your truth locked inside.
We work together to move forward in the emotional healing process. It’s not easy, but it’s very possible. I was able to get through it, and I have faith that you will one day get through this as well. You don’t have to go through this alone.
