Financial Sabotage: How Women Drain Money, Energy & Time by Giving Too Much
Posted on December 08, 2011 by Lynn Telford-Sahl, One of Thousands of Money and Finance Coaches on Noomii.
One of the biggest mistakes women make is over giving money to adult children and feeling guilty or selfish for not doing so, even if that is best.
What’s one of the biggest mistakes women make with their money? As I ask women and men to respond to this question, one answer comes up repeatedly: women give their money, time and energy away too freely. Then they don’t have enough for themselves.
Who do they give their money to? Usually their children and I’m not talking about those under 18. “An online poll commissioned in May by the National Endowment for Financial Education and Forbes.com found that nearly 60% of parents are giving, or have in the past granted, financial support to adult children who are no longer in college.”*
Yes, I know the tough economy is a factor with women wanting to step in and help their adult children. It’s a lovely part of women’s (& many men’s) natures that we are the nurturers and caretakers of the family. But sometimes we over-equate love and money. To not give money can seem selfish to mothers. And, mothers are encouraged by culture and church to sacrifice for the well-being of their children, right?
That’s not a bad thing, unless it leaves the mother in difficult financial straits. I’ve talked to women who have been robbed by their children, given in to sob story after sob story, been taken advantage of and even those left nearly destitute because of over-giving.
There is a balance point between over giving and creating dependency or entitlement. It’s not selfish, but self-loving to consider your own financial need and to set limits with children about what and how much you’re willing to help. As we’ve heard often – women, put your own oxygen mask on first.
*(Modesto Bee, Michelle Singletary, The Color of Money column 11-27-11)
Lynn Telford-Sahl, M.A. Psychology, Certified Money Coach, helps women in business achieve their dreams by getting their money house in order. Lynn has been coaching, speaking & conducting workshops for 8 years and has a 20+ year background in counseling. Lynn is also the author of two books: Intentional JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom & The Greatest Change of All. Both books are available online at www.coachingmodesto.com. As an experienced money coach for women in business, Lynn offers a FREE 15 Minute phone consult for any Money Challenge you are experiencing. (209) 492-8745 or firstname.lastname@example.org