How to do Shadow Work to Increase Introspective Awareness

Posted on April 04, 2024 by Marichka Kulyk, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

—What is Shadow Work?

It’s the ability to look inside and see how things that irritate you in others are most often things that you are refusing to see in yourself.

When we don’t want to look inside and be introspective, we tend to project our unresolved suppressed issues externally. For that reason, when we are avoiding those issues in ourselves, they irritate and trigger us strongly when we encounter them in others. In other words, when you catch yourself judging someone else, it’s time to shift your focus inside and find out why it bothers you.

—How to recognize it is your Shadow?

When you disown something in yourself, you will get irritated when someone else expresses that trait. Every trait that is being disowned inside, is being projected externally. Unless we did some work on ourselves, we tend to project our own issues onto others, without noticing it. This way we think that the problem is out there, and we don’t have to deal with it within us.

It’s always easier to point the finger at someone else and to think that they are the problem. However, when you will train your mind in introspection, it will become easier to notice those patterns, instead of trying to avoid and suppress them.

—How to work with your Shadow

When certain behavior of someone else triggers you, shift the focus inwards and see how you disown that behavior or pattern in yourself.

Answer these three questions:

1. Where in your life do you apply this particular behavior towards yourself?

2. Where do you do it towards that person?

3. Where do you do it to someone else in your life?

Here is an example:

Let’s say you are judging someone for not hearing you. Here is how you would apply the shadow work to this situation. Answer the following questions by carefully observing your patterns and being completely honest with yourself.

1. Where in my life am I not hearing my needs?

2. Where am I not hearing that person?

3. Where in my life am I not hearing someone else?

—Why doing Shadow Work is important

The point of doing shadow work is to recognize that whatever you tend to judge someone else for, is exactly the issue that you haven’t acknowledged and haven’t worked through in yourself.

You can do shadow work for any situation that bothers you, that involves other people. By recognizing your own shadow it becomes much easier to accept other people and not be triggered by their behavior. You do not have to agree with their actions to understand them. The point of this practice is instead of blaming and judging, to naturally become more understanding and compassionate, and less reactive when something goes against your expectations. You can practice it every time when you notice yourself being judgmental towards someone else’s actions or choices.

If you would like to learn more about your shadow and to work through some specific situations in your life, you are welcome to book a consultation on my website. You can also follow me on Facebook to read more articles. With respect – Marichka Kulyk Coaching.