Should I stay or should I go?
Posted on June 25, 2024 by Jo Yvon, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
One thing that keeps us stuck is worrying about what we might lose if we make a change. But what will you lose if you don't?
“I don’t want this any more, but I’m worried about what I’ll lose if I leave” This is a common worry that I hear from clients.
Change can feel challenging. Even if we no longer want the situation that we’re in. My client is no longer happy in his job. But one of the reasons he hasn’t left is because he’s scared of what he might be giving up if he does.
Often, there is something OK about where we are and what we have. Even in situations that aren’t great. Perhaps it’s the stability. Perhaps it’s the familiarity of “better the devil you know”. And we find it very hard to let go of what we have, even for something better.
The Nobel prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman was curious about what is going on here. How do we really value gain and loss? He conducted experimental research and the conclusion was very clear: we over-value loss. That is to say that losing what we have weighs far more heavily in our decision-making than the benefits of what we may gain.
My client is already very aware of what he feels he has to lose by making a change. So I simply ask him:
“What do you have to lose by staying where you are?”
He replies “Opportunities to grow. My future marketability. My self esteem!”
These are all new angles that haven’t previously been clear to him.
When you know how your brain works, including its natural biases, you can explore beyond them and find new insight.
Next time you are facing a potential change, your thoughts may be dominated by fears of what you may lose. Remember that your brain is biased to overvalue loss. So bring some balance by asking:
“What do I have to lose by staying?”
