Claiming The Power of Femininity - The Wisdom of Following
Posted on January 05, 2012 by Dr Felicia Clark, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Many women disconnect from their femininity by falsely believing rhetoric about how feminine power is inferior. Learn the benefits of feminine power.
A queenly woman connected to her feminine essence understands the wisdom of following and knows that it is sometimes in her best interest to do so. She leads only when she is the best person to lead and the need to lead for the sake of control goes away. Even if she is designated to be in charge, she can share and delegate leadership when appropriate without feeling threatened.
When I first heard this concept, I thought it was another sales pitch to get women to volunteer for our own oppression. However, the stress reducing benefits of following was worth giving it a try. When I applied this concept at work by becoming a leader who follows, I made more than the salary I requested, reduced my stress, had the longest tenure with the most influence while my team outperformed the others. When applied in my personal life, we both were happier as it minimized stress, power struggles, conflict and resentment while lightening my load. I felt more like a woman and he felt more like a man.
A queenly woman never has to worry about feeling inferior for following because she has the power to choose who to follow and can negotiate the terms, conditions, and expectations for following. She can also suspend following if she is unappreciated, derives no benefit, or is treated as second class.
To get a visual as to how following can be powerful, think about a professional cyclist. A cyclist will often stay in second place on purpose. They ride close to leader so that the lead cyclist can break the wind. This means that the leader is enduring the most stress while the second place rider benefits. As the race continues on, the person in second place has used less energy and is better positioned to go the distance. This type of following is conscious and wise – not passive. Think about it and ask yourself, why do women have a longer life expectancy? Another visual regarding the power of not being first is the relationship between the king and queen on a chess board. The king is the most important piece on the board and will determine who wins or loses. Therefore, under constant attack, the king’s ability to move is highly restricted. The queen, second in importance, has a tremendous freedom of movement not available to the king. This freedom makes the queen the most powerful piece on the board because she is best positioned to influence the game’s outcome. Following does not mean that you are at the bottom, you just are not first.
A woman who can function like the queen on a chessboard in her personal life nurtures the conditions for healthy masculinity to show up. She uses her power of influence to effectively communicate her needs and then waits in receiver mode to be provided for.This creates space for men to function as provider and protector as they were naturally designed to do. A man must be able, as well as willing, to provide what a woman needs in order for this to work out. A woman may choose, or need, to lead a relationship in order to survive because a man can’t, or won’t, provide for her in a safe respectful manner. However, this is not how she is fulfilled. There lies the true power of a woman following – following is the pathway to a woman’s joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and ecstasy in her personal life. When she is listened to and treated with honor and respect, she knows she is in good hands and will receive what she needs when she follows a good reliable provider.
A woman in receiver mode experiences extreme fulfillment and reduced stress when a man is both willing and able to provide for her needs. Providing does not automatically mean financial contributions. A man can provide help,physical strength, respect, protection, honor, advice, relief, information, support, and much more.
If you doubt that men will provide what they can for women in receiver mode who follow, try an exercise that I do with my clients in my “Living As Queen” coaching program. Pick a day when you are not pressed for time so you can follow the pace of the day – not set it. Dress modestly and go out in public where you smile and walk slowly. Notice how men respond, not to hit on you for dates, but simply to contribute to maintaining your happiness. Notice how people notice you when you are in receiver mode. All people, especially men, want to contribute to a woman who graciously receives. Express gratitude for compliments received, a man holding the door for you, and for him offering his seat in a crowded place .In general,if no one is willing to contribute to you, ask yourself: “am I controlling too much?” Being directive and controlling is required sometimes, but it also requires that you have little to no space for receiving.
I lead a class called: “The Art of Feminine Presence” that teaches women to connect to their feminine essence. In class, we practice following by breathing into our wombs, not lungs, and moving with flow behind the beat of music. This will activate brain and emotional centers that get blocked when we are ahead of the beat and automatically creates receiving space. You can read more about the class at: www.raiseyourchalice.com.