Applying Epictetus' Wisdom to Everyday Life: Focus on What You Can Change

Posted on January 25, 2025 by Stefania Maggini, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

Epictetus, born around 50 CE in Hierapolis, Phrygia (modern-day Pamukkale, Turkey), and passing away circa 135 CE, was a prominent Stoic philosopher who emphasized the importance of distinguishing between what is within our control and what is not. This fundamental concept serves as a cornerstone for achieving inner peace and effective action.

In his work, the Enchiridion, Epictetus states:

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”

Understanding the Dichotomy of Control

Epictetus teaches that our mental faculties—such as opinions, desires, and aversions—are within our control. Conversely, external factors like our physical health, possessions, and the actions of others are beyond our control. Recognizing this distinction is crucial for maintaining tranquility and focusing our efforts where they can be most effective.

Cultivating Serenity by Accepting the Uncontrollable

To achieve peace of mind, it’s essential to accept that certain aspects of life are beyond our influence. Worrying about these uncontrollable elements leads to unnecessary stress and distraction. By acknowledging their inevitability, we can release ourselves from the burden of futile concern.

Empowering Change Through What We Can Control

While we cannot dictate external events, we have the power to shape our responses to them. By focusing on our attitudes, choices, and reactions, we exercise agency over our inner lives. This empowerment enables us to navigate challenges with resilience and purpose.

Practical Steps to Apply Epictetus’ Teachings

Identify Controllables vs. Uncontrollables: Regularly assess situations to determine which aspects you can influence and which you cannot.

Shift Focus to Internal Responses: Direct your energy toward managing your thoughts and actions rather than external circumstances.

Practice Acceptance: Embrace the reality of uncontrollable events, understanding that they are part of life’s natural course.

Develop Resilience: Strengthen your inner fortitude by aligning your desires and aversions with what is within your control.

By internalizing Epictetus’ wisdom, we can cultivate a balanced mindset that prioritizes personal growth and serenity. This approach not only enhances our well-being but also empowers us to effect meaningful change within ourselves and, by extension, in the world around us.

Epictetus’ teachings can be applied in practical ways in our daily lives to cultivate a sense of tranquility and empowerment. By focusing on what is within our control and accepting the uncontrollable, we can transform challenges into opportunities for growth and serenity. Below are some examples of how to apply his principles, starting with small, everyday situations:

1. Dealing with Traffic:
In daily situations like being stuck in traffic, Epictetus’ teachings provide a powerful tool. Instead of getting frustrated with the uncontrollable element (the traffic itself), focus on controlling your reaction. Remind yourself that you can’t change the situation, but you can choose to remain calm. By focusing on your attitude—maybe using the time for a relaxing audiobook or meditation—you practice shifting your energy towards what you can control, your inner calm.

2. Receiving Criticism:
Criticism, whether from colleagues, friends, or family, can be hard to handle. Epictetus teaches us that while we can’t control the opinions of others, we can control how we respond to their feedback. Instead of getting defensive or feeling hurt, take a deep breath and evaluate whether there’s any constructive element in the critique. This allows you to approach the situation rationally, using your ability to choose your reaction rather than allowing your emotions to take over.

3. Managing Stress at Work:
Work deadlines and pressures are common sources of stress. According to Epictetus, we should shift our focus from the stressful external circumstances—like the tasks at hand or demanding expectations—to managing our own reactions and planning our actions. You might start by acknowledging the stress, and then make a list of actions you can take to address the task, calmly breaking it down into manageable steps. Instead of ruminating on the external pressures, redirect your attention to what you can control, such as the effort you put in or the attitude you bring to your work.

4. Health Issues:
When dealing with health issues, whether a minor illness or chronic condition, **Epictetus’ teachings urge us not to waste energy on worrying about things beyond our control (like the cause of illness or future health problems). Instead, focus on what you can control, such as your response to the situation. How can you take care of your body, focus on your well-being, and handle stress in a healthy way? This could mean practicing gratitude for your body’s strength or starting small habits like maintaining a balanced diet, exercising, or practicing mindfulness to stay grounded.

5. Rejection or Unmet Expectations:
In situations where you’re faced with rejection, whether in a personal relationship, a job application, or another pursuit, Epictetus teaches that our desires and expectations may not align with reality. This is a critical point for personal growth: we cannot control how others respond to us or how events unfold, but we can control our attitude and how we choose to learn from the experience. Instead of feeling disappointed, reflect on what can be gained from the rejection, whether it’s the lesson learned or the realization that a different path might be better suited for you.

6. Conflict with Others:
When faced with conflict in relationships, we often wish others would behave differently. However, Epictetus reminds us that we can never control another person’s actions, only how we respond. If there’s a disagreement, instead of trying to change the other person’s viewpoint or actions, focus on how to communicate your thoughts clearly, remain calm, and empathize with their point of view. Choosing to focus on your own actions rather than the other person’s behavior is a powerful application of Epictetus’ teachings.

7. Daily Expectations vs. Reality:
We often set ourselves up for frustration when daily life doesn’t match our expectations. Whether it’s plans being derailed by external events or things not going as smoothly as we’d hoped, Epictetus teaches us that we can control our expectations and our responses. Practice mindful awareness, acknowledging when reality diverges from your hopes. Use these moments as opportunities to cultivate patience, grounding yourself in the understanding that life doesn’t always go according to plan—and that’s part of the natural order.

By consistently applying Epictetus’ principles—distinguishing between what we can control and what we cannot, shifting our focus to what we can influence, and learning to accept the uncontrollable with grace—we can transform everyday challenges into moments of empowerment. With practice, these small steps gradually shape a more resilient and peaceful mindset, helping us navigate life with greater tranquility and purpose.