Are You being Gaslighted at Work?
Posted on March 10, 2025 by Sandra de Wet-du Toit, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone causes you to question your own reality, memories, or perceptions.
It’s a subtle and insidious tactic that erodes your confidence, making you doubt yourself and, ultimately, making you reliant on the gaslighter’s version of reality. In the workplace, gaslighting by a boss can be particularly damaging, as it undermines not just your self-esteem but also your professional reputation and mental health.
Today, I want to explore some common signs that your boss might be gaslighting you and delve into what these behaviors mean.
- Whatever happens, it is always your fault
Imagine this: a project goes awry, deadlines are missed, or a client is dissatisfied. Even if you followed every instruction to the letter, your boss finds a way to pin the blame squarely on you. When gaslighting is at play, it’s not just about holding you accountable; it’s about creating a narrative where you are always the problem. Over time, this constant blame-shifting can make you feel like you’re fundamentally incapable, even when you’re excelling. It’s important to recognize that healthy workplaces involve shared accountability and constructive feedback—not relentless fault-finding.
- They use phrases like “don’t take it personally”
This phrase often comes cloaked in the guise of professionalism, but in a gaslighting scenario, it’s a tool to invalidate your feelings. If you express concern about their tone, unfair criticism, or unreasonable demands, the response might be: “Don’t take it personally.” It’s as though your feelings are irrelevant or exaggerated. The subtle message is that your reaction—not their behavior—is the issue. Over time, this can make you suppress your emotions and second-guess whether your concerns are even valid.
- You are scared of your boss
If you find yourself dreading every interaction, obsessing over emails to ensure there are no potential missteps, or avoiding conversations to escape criticism, it’s worth reflecting on why. A healthy professional relationship involves mutual respect, not intimidation.
- What can you do if you suspect gaslighting?
The first step is to document everything. Keep a detailed record of instructions, feedback, and incidents where you feel manipulated or invalidated. Having a written account can help you see patterns and provide evidence if you choose to escalate the situation. Next, seek support. Talk to trusted colleagues, mentors, or a life coach to gain perspective. If the environment remains toxic, it may be time to explore opportunities elsewhere.
Gaslighting thrives in secrecy and self-doubt, but awareness is a powerful antidote. By naming the behavior, you take the first step toward reclaiming your confidence and clarity. Remember, you deserve a workplace where you’re valued, respected, and empowered to thrive.
