it wasn't YOUR fault, but now it's YOUR responsibilty

Posted on March 25, 2025 by Sarah Eva Michielson, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

Complex Trauma, the overall feeling of not being safe as a child, creates necessary coping strategies for survival that lead to patterns of insecure attachment.

Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment: One parent was steady, the other wasn’t. Creates an inconsistent relationship dynamic where the individual is clingy in relationship and has an overwhelming fear of abandonment. They cannot survive without smothering others and will always be attracted to a more avoidant individual.

Dismissive Avoidant: Born out of emotional, mental and physical neglect. Appears to be stable, stoic and emotionally regulated, but the truth is, they just don’t know how to process emotions so they shut down and seek isolation because connection and emotions are the scariest thing they’ve ever experienced and have caused the most pain in their life. Seeks to be alone and values liberty, autonomy and freedom. Is attracted to a more anxious person because they will expect the anxious person to carry the dismissive’s emotions FOR them.

Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized Attachment: They experienced mental, emotional and physical abuse and neglect. These individuals are hot and cold. They long for connection, get close, then push away almost as quickly. Depending on which way this individual leans, more anxious or more dismissive, they will be attracted to the opposite. Their life is ran by internal, opposing core wounds and desires and it may seem like you are dealing with two different people. They keep you on your toes and on a wild ride because their emotions are hot and cold. I love you, I hate you. Come closer, get away.

These attachment styles are just a set of coping mechanisms that have allowed you to survive to get to this point in life. They have caused pain, but they’ve also served you. However, it’s time for some updates and it’s time to end the suffering for yourself and the ones you love.

Reprogram you core wounds / limiting beliefs, create boundaries, learn how best to communicate with other attachment style individuals and identify who you are by overcoming the identity crisis cause by complex trauma in childhood.

It wasn’t your fault. You did the best you could. Now, it’s time to take your power back. You are no longer helpless. You are no longer powerless. You can heal and break the cycles of past generations.

I applaud your desire, courage and bravery to be here. YOU WILL heal your world and OTHER’s.

Welcome to YOUR next chapter. The way YOU want to write it!

with love and care,

Sarah Eva