We Keep Misunderstanding Each Other — What’s Going On?
Posted on May 27, 2025 by Andre Lazarus, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Misunderstandings are often a sign that deeper connection is needed — not a sign of failure.
It’s painful when you love someone deeply but keep finding yourselves caught in misunderstandings. You might feel like you’re speaking different languages, or that no matter how much you try, you just can’t seem to really connect. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and there’s a reason why this happens, often beneath the surface.
At Coming Closer, as a relationship and somatic intimacy coach, I help couples and individuals uncover what’s really happening when communication breaks down — so they can move from frustration and disconnection to genuine understanding and closeness.
The Hidden Language of the Body
When misunderstandings happen repeatedly, it’s rarely just about words. Our bodies carry emotional memories, fears, and past wounds that affect how we perceive and respond to our partner. These sensations—like tightness in the chest, a knot in the stomach, or tension in the shoulders—are messages from your nervous system reacting to perceived threats or discomfort.
Often, our brain gets hijacked by these unconscious reactions, leading to defensiveness, withdrawal, or frustration that only escalate the misunderstanding.
Emotional Safety is the Groundwork for Connection
One of the most overlooked reasons for repeated miscommunication is a lack of emotional safety. Without feeling safe, vulnerable conversations become triggers. When either partner feels judged, dismissed, or unheard, the natural response is to protect oneself — through silence, anger, or avoidance.
Somatic intimacy coaching works by helping you feel safe in your body and with each other, rewiring your nervous system to stay present even in difficult conversations. This shift creates a foundation where you can truly listen and be heard.
Past Wounds Shape Present Conflicts
Many misunderstandings stem from unresolved trauma or emotional wounds from childhood or past relationships. These wounds create automatic protective patterns — such as fear of abandonment or fear of being controlled — that influence how you interpret your partner’s words and actions.
You might be reacting not only to what’s happening now but also to echoes of past pain. Healing this requires gentle, mindful work to release old stories and reclaim your power to respond consciously.
How to Break Free from the Cycle of Misunderstanding
Get Curious About Your Body’s Signals
Instead of ignoring your physical reactions during conflict, notice them. Are you holding your breath? Clenching your jaw? Tightening your stomach? This awareness is the first step in calming your nervous system and choosing your response.
Practice Presence Over Reaction
Slow down the conversation. Take a breath. Ask for a pause if emotions rise too high. Creating space allows both partners to tune into what’s really being felt and needed.
Build Rituals of Connection
Small, daily habits — like making eye contact, sharing a moment of gratitude, or gentle touch — can rebuild trust and safety, reducing misunderstandings over time.
Seek Somatic and Relationship Coaching
Sometimes, the patterns are too deep to shift alone. A coach trained in somatic intimacy can guide you through exercises and tools that help you reconnect with your body and emotions, leading to clearer communication and deeper intimacy.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
Misunderstandings don’t have to define your relationship. They can be invitations to grow closer, to heal wounds, and to learn new ways of relating. With compassion, awareness, and somatic tools, you can transform conflict into connection.
If you’re ready to move beyond repeated miscommunication and foster a loving, deeply connected relationship, I’m here to support you as your relationship and somatic intimacy coach.
Discover how Coming Closer can help you heal and deepen your intimacy.
