How to truly free ourselves from the prison of self

Posted on July 19, 2025 by Reza Mostmand, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

I usually write about coaching and share insights from my experience in the field. But today I am intending to write from the depth of my heart, using my own authentic words, so I assure no generative AI was used to help produce these words. Perhaps I am risking flaws in my writing but ensuring that my heart is active when conveying these words, makes potential writing shortcomings worthwhile. My heartfelt words stem from a dire concern about the condition of the human world. More specifically a concern about the reason which is at the heart of the current ills humanity is facing, yet is for the most part unaware of its source or its devastating effects. Before getting into the reason for the core issues that I believe humanity is wrestling with, I would like to try and paint a picture of how our societies function today as well as how it can operate for a very different outcome.

The story of human life from the moment of birth starts with relations and associations, where the individual gradually learns to relate to the world around it, initially within a family setting, then with the extended family and friends, and gradually with the rest of the circle of communities they find themselves in. New communities in turn, are shaped by like-minded individuals having the same goals and aspirations. Institutions are built in effort to fulfill the needs of the community. Various agencies and organizations are formed to further accommodate the new levels of complexities that our evolving human societies demand. What once was millennia of tribal form of living gave way to formation of cities, states and nations, to address the continuous need for higher and higher forms of order and organization. While the shapes and form of our societies have been advancing over time, it has not necessarily lent itself to the maturity of its people. Alas an outer progress does not automatically bring with it inner growth. Just as the physical maturity from childhood to adolescence does not necessarily mean mental and intellectual maturity has also been developed. The former form of maturity happens naturally through time, but the latter form happens only through training, experience and applying learnt lessons in action. The human body with all its structural elements must also be put to action in order for it to grow into a healthy shape. Therefore, training and action or education and active experience is essential for growth and needs to accompany the natural evolution. Therefore our physical and intellectual growth must happen simultaneously.

Now we are going to switch gears and bring into this stage of life, another element that must also be nurtured in us. This element, in addition to our physical, intellectual and emotional capacities, is not only vital to complete our humanness, but the weakness of which in our families, relationships and our everyday decision making has been the very cause of ill behaviours and dark characteristics we witness both within ourselves and outside of us. This essential element is our faculty of spirituality. Our spirituality gives us a sense of purpose, helps us discern right choices from wrong ones, bestows us with a transcendent identity, connects us with our “why” in everything we do, and gifts us with virtues such as compassion, justice, love, gratitude, patience etc. It brings coherence to otherwise isolated compartments of life, and its force steers us towards fellow-feeling that binds communities together. Our spirituality enhances our human consciousness, making us more than just material beings and truly distinguishes us from animals.

With such a mighty potentiality and a rejuvenating capacity that has been in us and a part of us all along, why then has our spiritual faculty been neglected in our individual and collective lives to such a degree that its lack and negligence have caused chaos and confusion in our world? Why such a light in us with the power to brighten our inner being should remain dim and faint? Do we not wish to use all that’s in our power to cure the ills that we are suffering today? Perhaps part of this reason is the way we define spirituality and thereby fear that appearing “spiritual” can be seen as “woo-woo” and therefore a sign of backwardness. Often dogmas and superstitions are pictures many skeptics cannot separate from spirituality. Perhaps the tendency to reduce spirituality to specific practices such as meditation, yoga, retreats, nature watching, incense and candles, have made many to feel no connection to such practices and therefore seeing spirituality as an optional routine in our schedule rather than an essential way of seeing ourselves and the world. And perhaps the association of spirituality with fanatic and dogmatic religious thinking and practices have caused many to forego the bad and the good altogether: to throw the baby out with the bath water. While these reactions to a certain perceived image of spirituality are valid and, in a few cases, even necessary, we have not filled its absence in this otherwise material and utilitarian existence. What then other than spirituality and our sense of morality, of purpose and transcendence can we find that has the power to move us towards fellowship and solidarity which the world aches to find right now. What other mighty tool which we have the luxury to already possess can rescue us from the unethical and negative choices in life.

The world has been engaged in war and bloodshed for so long, that seeing the possibility of global peace is an impossible task and a mere utopian dream. To many, even establishing a long and sustained peace within oneself seems like a daunting task. What else other than our spiritual faculty can offer inner peace with enough light that can brighten our vision and help us gradually see a better outcome. We know that whenever a peace was felt in a family, it only came from the effort of an individual with an illumined vision of that peace in his or her heart first. A peace in a community is conceivable only when a family with a vision and proven record of loving interaction within themselves have become the catalysts of that same loving interaction in the community. Such a community can be perceived to have what it takes to influence the thoughts, the nature of discourses, and the very decisions of other communities around it, thereby impacting the society at large.

So the challenge between us individuals and as a society is one and the same as it arises from the same lack, which is to strive and mature spiritually until our vision of the betterment of ourselves and the world and our role towards actualizing that becomes increasingly clear. Then through this mature outlook and that cleared and elevated lens, we can begin to see each other as co-workers working towards building that better future of our human family. And as we see those positive changes in ourselves through choices that we make, which are inspired by that unifying vision, then the possibilities of seeing that future in the world is no longer that distant dream, but one that requires the elevated ideals, assured vision and shared efforts.