Managing Stress in Everyday Life: Stop Hurting Your Own Feelings

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Dr. Sheriese Sanchez, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

The concept of “hurting your own feelings” may sound unusual, yet it is something many of us do daily. For some, this has become a long-standing pattern, repeated over the course of years. When we ruminate on life’s frustrations—whether caused by something someone said or did—we tend to relive the offense, often feeling increasingly hurt or violated with each recollection. In the midst of dwelling on these negative experiences, we may lose sight of a vital truth: God is always present, waiting for us to release our burdens and surrender our emotions to Him so that He may provide comfort and healing.

Did You Know?

Harboring unresolved frustrations can lead to significant mental health challenges. When such emotional distress remains unaddressed, individuals may be at increased risk for conditions such as anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and bipolar disorder, among others.
Tips for improving your thought life:

Pause

Taking a moment to pause and reflect deeply on an event—and to ask ourselves “why”—is a natural and constructive response. When we experience hurt, rejection, or disappointment from someone, our initial impulse may be to react defensively or emotionally. However, it is often more beneficial to resist this immediate urge. Begin by taking three slow, deep breaths to center yourself. Then, write down what affected you most about the situation. Once you have clarified your thoughts, consider whether the other person’s actions might have stemmed from circumstances unrelated to you. For example, is it possible they are dealing with personal hardships—such as the loss of a job or a loved one—that may be influencing their behavior? By creating space for this kind of reflection, we not only protect our own emotional well-being, but also cultivate empathy and understanding in our relationships.

Stay Present

While reflection can be valuable, it is important not to dwell on past events for too long. Excessive rumination distracts us from the present moment and hinders our ability to move forward in life. Living in the past creates a ripple effect that can negatively impact our relationships and, over time, may cause others to perceive us as difficult or unpleasant to be around. Consider a common scenario: you find yourself preoccupied with a distressing situation, and in that moment, someone asks you a question or makes an innocent comment. You respond sharply, perhaps even snapping without realizing it. I can admit to having done this myself. Unfortunately, the person on the receiving end is often left confused, unaware that your reaction had little to do with them and everything to do with unresolved emotions from another situation.

Create Distance

Psychological distance refers to the degree to which individuals feel removed from a particular phenomenon—an unusual event, experience, or occurrence. Creating this sense of distance can be an effective way to manage emotional responses and gain perspective. It is important to embrace your feelings as they arise; they are natural reactions to distress and should not be ignored or suppressed. However, these emotions do not always require an immediate response. Allowing yourself space—whether through time, reflection, or physical movement—can help you process your thoughts more clearly. Psychological distance may involve separating yourself from certain events, environments, or even specific individuals. In practice, this could be as simple as taking a walk to clear your mind. By stepping back, both mentally and physically, you create the opportunity to view the situation with greater clarity and emotional balance.
Note: a phenomenon is an unusual thing or occurrence.

Temporal distance refers to the amount of time that separates an individual’s present moment from past experiences or future events. It plays a key role in shaping how we perceive and emotionally respond to situations over time. To apply this concept, ask yourself: How will I feel about this event or situation in the future—tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year? Similarly, consider the question: Will this experience significantly affect my life in the days, weeks, or months to come? The purpose of reflecting in this way is to recognize that, with time, most events tend to lose their emotional intensity and exert less influence over our thoughts and decisions. By intentionally creating temporal distance, we allow ourselves to gain perspective, reduce emotional reactivity, and refocus on what truly matters in the broader scope of our lives.

Meditate

Not in the traditional sense of merely emptying the mind, but by intentionally replacing negative thoughts with biblical wisdom—bringing God to the center in a quiet space—thereby cultivating a peace that surpasses understanding as you learn to let go.

Meditation Verse

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, your comforts delight me.” Psalms 94:19 AMP

Disclaimer: If you are reading this and have experienced a personal traumatic event, please understand that the questions referenced are not intended to minimize your experience. Rather, their purpose is to raise awareness about behavioral health. As individuals, we bear responsibility for our thoughts and actions. It is important to recognize that processing personal trauma often requires the support of a qualified mental health professional or a trusted individual.