For Women: How to Find and Keep Your Good Man

Posted on September 24, 2025 by Roy Shapira, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

What Is a Good Man?
Before we begin, let’s define it clearly: A good man is someone who respects and cherishes his partner,
and who can protect and provide safety—emotionally, physically, and financially.

These men are rare. And because they are rare, they have optionality with women. The reality is that 80% of women compete for the top 20% of men. Often, the best indicator of a man’s quality is that other women also want him. (And most women don’t even see the lower 30% of men).

Different Things of Comparable Values
In relationships, men and women often value different things:

• For men, women are beauty objects: They are drawn to physical attraction, femininity, and the energy a woman brings into his life.
• For women, men are success objects: Women seek stability, confidence, protection, and the ability to provide a safe future.

This isn’t shallow—it’s biology and psychology at work. The key is knowing how to turn these truths into a lasting bond.
(See Evolution of Psychology study – Dr. David Buss)

Getting His Attention
Unlike men, if the woman is healthy and can “clean up” reasonably well, women typically have no shortage of suitors—on dating apps, at work, or in public. The challenge isn’t getting attention—it’s keeping the right man’s attention.

Unlike women, men don’t receive constant romantic attention. That makes intimacy a powerful way they connect.
But timing matters. Men often calculate how much effort it took to get close:

• If intimacy is natural, fun, and effortless, it becomes every man’s dream scenario. He’ll want to come back for more, because the experience was exciting and positive, not transactional.
• If it takes months of chasing, whining, wining and dining, endless tests and labor, the result often fizzles into nothing more than a single one-night stand. The man feels drained, not bonded, and won’t see long-term potential.

For men, intimacy is unique—it’s the only bond they can’t replicate with friends, work, or hobbies. That’s why it’s central to building a lasting connection.

If the connection is exciting, positive, and wholesome, he will want to return. Think of it this way: it’s a one-night stand until there’s a second, a third, a hundredth.

Becoming Essential
But intimacy alone won’t secure exclusivity.
If you want to move toward commitment or marriage, you must become essential to his life.
That means:

• Add warmth to his world — Turn his house into a home with flowers, photos, and life.
• Support his journey — Be a sounding board for ideas, encourage him, celebrate wins, and ease burdens.
• Lighten his load — In small ways, make his life smoother, more joyful, and more stable, from warm food to orginized environment.

When a man realizes he cannot imagine life without you, commitment becomes inevitable.

Understanding the Exchange
At its core:
Men seek intimacy.
Women seek commitment.

A good man has worked hard for years to create optionality with many women. He will only commit if his partner is truly irreplaceable—loyal, respectful, and yes, deeply attractive (aluring) to him.

Bring those qualities to the relationship, and you transform from someone he enjoys spending time with to someone he can’t live without.

Closing Thought
Finding a good man is only the beginning. Keeping him means embracing intimacy, loyalty, respect, and becoming essential in his life. Do that, and you won’t just “have a man”—you’ll have the man of your dreams forever.