Learning the Five Love Languages
Posted on March 06, 2012 by Sarah Goldberg, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Strengthening a relationship can affect your happiness and fulfillment in life. Feeling connected to your mate means feeling valued and appreciated.
Learning the Five Love Languages
By Sarah Benenson Goldberg, CPCC
Gary Chapman, PhD, describes the five love languages, each with its own form of expression. Most of us have mastered one language and, not surprisingly, we expect our significant other to speak our native tongue. Rarely do couples master the same love language, says Chapman. Learning your spouses love language can strengthen your relationship and help you understand one another.
Valentine’s Day made me think about how my husband and I express love. My husband happily walked in the door that night and announced he had something for all three of the ladies in his life—his two daughters and me. They weren’t really gifts, but rather thoughtful acts of kindness. He set up one daughter’s new cell phone, tracked down the other’s favorite tea at $50/lb. and arranged a massage for me.
Truth be told, what I appreciated most was the kiss he unexpectedly gave me when he leaned over and pecked me on the cheek. I freely give out hugs. I kiss my kids a lot and I secretly hope they want the affection as much as I do. I like to walk down the street holding my husband’s hand. My love language is physical touch. My husband’s love language is acts of service. (I haven’t yet figured out my kids’ language.)
Jennifer, a divorced mom, has been dating Ken for 7 months. For Valentine’s Day she bought him a sports watch, a book by his favorite author and a framed photo of them. He took her to dinner and gave her a card that expressed how lucky he is to have her in his life. She was upset because he didn’t get her a gift and she had specifically told him, “how important Valentine’s Day is to me.” He was confused. She was hurt. Ken’s love language is acknowledgment or words of appreciation. Jennifer’s is gift giving. They do not understand each other’s language.
Do you crave time together? Do you think your husband loves golf or work more than you? For some, spending time together is an expression of love. If this is your love language, you likely feel unloved if you do not design time together on a regular basis.
To recognize your love language, ask yourself what makes you feel loved? Gifts, acts of service, words of acknowledgment, physical touch or time together. Think back on moments when you felt loved. Identify what made you feel this way. Then recognize a time when your spouse felt unloved. What was it he was wanting from you? Most likely, he wanted you to speak his language.
