Leadership & Adapting to Immaturity

Posted on April 13, 2010 by Tom Patterson, One of Thousands of Leadership Coaches on Noomii.

Every organization potentially runs the risk of becoming less effective, losing touch with its mission and vision, or becoming just plain irrelevant to anyone outside of itself when its energies are devoted to supporting its least mature members. If you’ve ever been part of a group or organization of any size—whether a task force, a work group, a family, a non-profit, a sports team, a business, etc.—you probably already know what I mean by that. It is not at all uncommon for the most demanding members of the group—even if a tiny minority—to draw the energies of the whole group to themselves.

This phenomenon is what author Edwin Friedman refers to as an “adaptation to immaturity.” Instead of evolving into something better, the group “regresses” into something less healthy; rather than “maturing up,” group members “regress downward.” When leaders of a group or organization begin adapting themselves to the least mature, or most needy members, they become, in effect, followers. Before they know it, their time and energy are spent trying to persuade or inspire the unmotivated, rather than feeding the passions of those who are ready and willing to contribute. After a while, the latter will become unmotivated, too, and become less willing to make what would have otherwise been very valuable contributions.

What does it take to not get drawn into this? It takes clarity on the part of the leaders of the group or organization to know who they are, what they’re about, what the organization’s mission and vision are, and the courage to do what it takes to move toward them.

Experienced leaders will recognize what Edwin Friedman wrote in his book, A Failure of Nerve: “It is always easier to be the least mature member of a highly mature family than the most mature member of a highly regressed system.” As a matter of fact, a mature person in an immature system may very well emerge the real leader, even if his or her job description doesn’t say they are! And the thing is, a leader doesn’t have to be obnoxious, cutthroat, or uncaring to lead—quite the opposite! A leader who is comfortably clear about who they are and what they are about by definition has the freedom to not have to express that clarity in an extreme way.

This is why coaching can play a powerful role. As a coach, my goal with clients—especially with leaders who want to regain, establish, or grow their influence potential—is to raise self-awareness, get clear about their goals and values, deepen personal responsibility (or self-management), all the while moving forward with concrete action steps and tools that are expressions of these very things.

I’m energized by coaching people who desire to stay caring and connected with those they lead, but know they need to find a way to step out of the demanding emotional entanglements that consistently try to pull them in.