"When you look in the mirror, you're looking at your problem. Likewise, you're also looking at your solution" ~Amanda Carter
I have found throughout life and in my practice as a coach, that more often then not, we seek solutions from outside of ourselves. Now, don’t feel bad, that does seem like a logical direction to go from first glance. The challenge, is that you cannot solve any challenge from the outside-in.
This is especially important, because every challenge we come across in our lives originates from inside of us. The situations we find ourselves in are created through choices that we make subconsciously and consciously, as well as the choices made by others, that we choose to allow to effect our lives. No situation every just “landed” into someones lap. We come into fortunate or unfortunate circumstances because of our belief systems and because of the actions that we took based on those beliefs.
Those beliefs are ever changing thought patterns that we have programed into ourselves through influence from our parents, siblings, family, friends, relationships, schooling, society and experience. Your own personal belief system has taken decades to cultivate, even if it seems like they were always there on some level, and in the end, you will still be re-evaluating and re-creating those beliefs and values as you become the future you. That is the natural process, and probably one of the only consistent parts of our lives.
Though I will tell you a secret truth – because your beliefs are ever changing, growing and redefining thought patterns, you have ULTIMATE CONTROL over what they change into. We may not have control over keeping our beliefs the same all the time, and why would we want to keep them the same all the time? But we always have the control to change our beliefs when it means getting ever closer to accomplishment and success.
I will tell you another secret truth – If you want to learn just how you can control what your beliefs change into, there are two things that you have to do. The first, go look in the MIRROR. And don’t just “look” and then run away, I know that trick! No really, go in to the bathroom and look right at yourself. Now, you don’t need to have a stare down with yourself or anything. Just have a look at yourself. Look as if you were another person looking at you. Are you smiling? Why or why not? Do you look like your in good health? Why or why not?
Now, here is the second thing you need to do, and it’s the trickiest part. For every question you ask yourself, answer with, “Because I have/have not chosen too.”
So if you’re smiling, and you ask yourself “why am I smiling?”, reply with “Because I have chosen to smile.”
If you look sad, reply with: “Because I have not chosen to be happy.”
I know it may seem silly, but this is extremely important for you to do if you are absolutely certain that you want to change your current circumstances and cultivate a success strategy that can help you find opportunity and fulfillment everywhere you look. If you don’t want that, well it’s fine with me if you don’t want to do this exercise, it’s your life L=
While you’re there looking in the mirror, ask yourself some other questions, such as:
“Am I where I want to be in my life?” “Why or Why Not?”
“Am I in a fulfilling relationship with a partner I love and admire?” “Why or Why Not?”
“Do I love and admire myself?” “Why or Why Not?”
“Do I feel like others love and admire me?” “Why or Why Not?”
And remember to answer with “Because I have/have not chosen to…(fill in the blank)”, so the last question would be answered, “Because I have not chosen to allow others to love and admire me”, or “Because I have chosen to allow others to love and admire me.”
No other answers are acceptable, and neither are excuses! Remember that this exercise is beneficial to you only if you allow it to be. I nor any one else is going to make you do it, nor is anyone else (or yourself) going benefit from it f you don’t do it.
Keep this quote in mind:
“What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Oliver W. Holmes***
As I was saying at the beginning of this article, many times we first feel the need to seek outside assistance to help overcome our challenges. This is fine if you have found the solution that way, though when you find that you’ve become frustrated and have not yet been able to overcome your challenge through outside methods, it’s time to go inside, because any challenge that has you in the equation (and they all do!) is only solvable when you go from the inside-out.
When you go inside out, you start at the root of your challenge, and 97% of the time, your challenges have accumulated or arrived because you have lost touch with the REAL you. The part of you that deeply feels, passionately desires and ultimately knows. The part of you that holds the key to your success. The part of you that already knows exactly how to get you from where you are now, to where you want to be tomorrow.
Try this exercise out. It may seem silly at first, and remind yourself that it’s okay to laugh when you do it (its good for you!), though the results you get from it will be priceless as you notice an instant effect and change in the way you view your world.
“A journey of 1 thousand miles starts with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu