Living Someone Else's Life

Posted on January 13, 2013 by Sharon Beyer, One of Thousands of Performance Coaches on Noomii.

It is 1895, she sits at her vanity unable to breathe as the sobs come one after the other. No longer will she see the man she has fallen in love with, the man she was engaged to marry. Instead she will wake up day after day to the socialite her mother has forced her to marry to ensure the high standing of their family. Even if you have never been in the situation, you can still imagine the pain she felt.

Consuelo Vanderbilt is famous for having essentially been forced to marry, by her mother, a man high on the social scale. She was, however, secretly in love with and engaged to someone else. She was essentially held captive and manipulated until she agreed. Her whole upbringing was in preparation for a marriage into the elite. Her mother Alva, although a strong-willed feminist, believed that the only way for a woman to have power was to marry wealthy. Her and her family needed to maintain their social standing.

It’s that time of year again. Examination, reflection, and experience tell us what we might want to resolve to do in 2013. I just spent the holiday in Newport, RI touring the grand mansions of the Gilded Age where I learned the story above. Her story created a deep sadness in my heart when I considered a life lived for someone else rather than for herself. Eventually, she divorced and later married for love. Her issue is a human issue, one that still pervades in today’s society even though this was over a century ago. It got me wondering just how many people end up in a life that they would not have chosen for themselves.

It is no secret that our time on this earth is short. For what reasons do we allow our stories to be written by others rather than by our own hand? Perhaps it’s easier than the fight? Maybe it’s culturally expected? Maybe you’ve never really allowed yourself to be the priority, always putting everyone’s happiness ahead of your own? Maybe on the other end of the coin, you’re a parent, family member, or friend that feels that you know what’s best for someone else. But how is that possible? How can we ever pretend as though we are tellers of the future? Not every story is meant to be the same and not every story has the same ending.

Whatever the reason, don’t allow 2013 to be lived for someone else. Don’t wait, as Consuelo did, to write a new ending. Fill your life with healthy experiences, people, work, and things that fulfill you. In doing so you will not only live for your happiness but you will make the lives of others around you more joyous. Happy 2013!