A Moment of Healing

Posted on July 01, 2010 by Savina Cavallo, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.

As I was drinking my morning coffee and sitting in my room with myself, meditating on life (a daily activity), I remembered my mom (she passed away 3 years ago). I was never close to her. She was pretty mean to me, and to my dad too. Being raised by a mentally and emotionally unstable person is not the healthiest way to grow up. She somehow resented me, or at least that’s what I felt from her. She drank tranquilizers most of her life.

Then, I started to cry. I remembered her differently now. I remembered how I closed her out of my life, how I always criticized and rejected her. For many years I was so judgmental of her. I didn’t really want much to do with her. I was as mean to her as I felt she was to me. We just never connected in any way. I wanted to, but we didn’t. She couldn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t know then what I know now. And she never knew any of this. She was locked up in her own world, and I understand her so well now. I felt so sad this morning, understanding that I was unable to see her as someone in so much pain and fear. And I was so afraid myself to turn out like her that I basically stayed away as much as I could. Can you imagine what a mother feels when her daughter rejects her? I’m not saying I could have done it any differently. I remember she did not provide me with the emotional love I needed. I know now we both did and were the best we could be with what we knew at the time.

I don’t cry out of guilt, not anymore. This is a grieving, healing, loving process and wherever her soul is right now, I send this love to her. I can feel her differently now, as a real mother. I can love her. I love her. I love. Thank you Mami, for being my teacher.