Never Give Up!
Posted on February 22, 2013 by David Poles, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
This is an article about becoming more resilient.
Never Give In!
Never give in—never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
Sir Winston Churchill
My name is David Poles. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Newton Centre. The point of my blog is to inspire you to never give up in the face of adversity.
What is resilience?
Psychological resilience is an individual’s tendency to cope with stress and adversity. This coping may result in the individual “bouncing back” to a previous state of normal functioning, or simply not showing negative effects. Another form of resilience is sometimes referred to as ‘posttraumatic growth’ or ‘steeling effects’ where in the experience, adversity leads to better functioning (much like an inoculation gives one the capacity to cope well with future exposure to disease). Resilience is most commonly understood as a process, and not a trait of an individual and more important role the greater the individual’s exposure to cumulative “risk factors”.
Can resiliency be learned?
I used to work at The New England Center for Homeless Veterans. I worked with a man named Gary, in his late thirties who when we first started working together was divorced, unemployed, homeless, only recently sober, history of depression and having no money. If I were to ask 10 people on the street as to what they thought of him, I am sure there would not be much positive said.
Within 18 months of working together, this man got a job working for the City of Cambridge, kept the job, got an apartment and maintained his sobriety and was stronger mentallty, physically and sprititually. Wow!
How can one learn to be resilient? The following are some tried and true methods for building your resiliency muscle:
1) Have a healthy support system. This means surrounding yourself with high quality people who care about you. Having a coach, psychotherapist, friend, clergy person, family, etc. are all examples of supports.
2) Have a sense of humor. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does. When I would say this on the detox unit, usually at least one person would get upset. I explained that when we let go of our own importance we can then laugh at ourselves. Watch funny movies. You tube has some great short videos.
3) Remember the mind and body connection. What we do or don’t do with our bodies is directly correlated to how we feel. 7-8 hours sleep per night, eating health and getting moderate exercise are all important.
4) Develop a sense of spirituality. Studies show that people with a higher power are happier than those who don’t. Organized religion, being in nature, praying, meditating, and music and or reading scripture can all be ways of cultivating your spirituality.
5) Learn how to reframe. Reframing is at the heart of resilience. It means looking at something from a different perspective. We can do this by asking ourselves better questions. When dealing with pain, questions such as “What else can this mean or what’s perfect about this will elicit healthier responses and outcomes vs. why me or why am I cursed?
In conclusion, he who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
My hope is that as a result of reading my blog, you will be better prepared when adversity hits you, knowing that you too can be resilient.
