Don't get caught in the swirling water of an argument!
Posted on March 01, 2013 by Angela Marie Fava, One of Thousands of Health and Fitness Coaches on Noomii.
Find yourself at a loss as you get pulled into disagreements? Want to stop the madness, but not sure how? Read on.
How do you stand on the bank of the river when the churning waters are reaching to pull you in?
In life we sometimes find ourselves in the middle of swirling chaos (otherwise known as a big old argument). I equate it to the rushing water of rapids. We allow ourselves to be pulled into the center of the whirling energy before we can catch our breath – hell, we probably jumped right in shoes on and all. Before we know it, there we are swirling, watching the madness without any real idea of how we got there. We are rushing down the river gasping and swallowing water. We get caught up in the energy and say and do things without thinking, maybe even without caring, but we don’t really want to be there. What to do?
First, take a breath and remember that stepping out of the chaos is not only possible, but is probably even the best way to not go down the proverbial creek without a paddle! Stop, that’s right just stop. Stop right there in your tracks, turn around and get back on the bank of that river to safety. Stop talking, stop engaging in the swirling and spinning, and be silent for 3 long breaths. Let the water take you to a quiet place until you can swim to shore. Imagine yourself standing on that shore watching the rapids go by. Don’t try to change anything about the rushing waters, just observe them.Then take another 3 breaths, and wait one long beat of the cascading flow. Exhale slowly.
Now remind yourself what is important about the person in front of you. What were they saying before they stepped into the rapids? What is the real message they are trying to get across to you?
Throw them a lifeline, let them know you are calmly planted on the shore and are listening. They may not hear you at first, after all they are probably still in the white water, but keep your feet in place, keep your breath centered and your voice soft. Stay on the shore and wait.
You may find that the situation has defused, or you may find the other person just can’t get to shore with you. They may need to thrash around more. Either way, you have calmed yourself enough to let them know you hear them. Try not to say something like, “I’ll talk to you when you can calm down.” or “I’ll be in the other room when you get your act together.” Instead try something like, “I’m going to go into the living room and come back in 15 minutes to see if maybe we can hear each other better.” No blaming, just letting them know you’re open.
Try it. Let me know how it goes. I’ll be waiting right here on this nice sunny shore watching the river flow by.
