Living with Truth in Relationships: Encouragement vs. Discouragement
Posted on April 09, 2013 by Sandy Welfare, One of Thousands of Christian Coaches on Noomii.
Our worldview is framed by our beliefs. Are we able to live with opposing truths about the world we engage.
Truth is truth no matter how we paint it. One of the biggest problems we face in relationships is how to respond when someone hurts us. We can say, “He can be a jerk sometimes” and that would be truth. At other times, when life is going differently, we might say, “he is good to me” and that would be truth. Our problem is not with the two opposing truths; our problem is with the word that we put in the middle. They are both little three letter words; seemingly harmless, until you think about the weight they carry.
There is a big difference between saying, “he is good to me but he is a jerk sometimes” or saying, “He is good to me and he is a jerk sometimes.” “I am a gracious person but I am greedy” or “I am a gracious person and I am greedy.” Think about how this sounds to a child; “You have such artistic talent but you colored outside the lines” or “You have such artistic talent and you colored outside the lines.” And can be a word of encouragement, giving a little boost in validation. But can be a word that leaves you thinking about what could have been, or even worse, what should have been. But has a slight nuance of negating worth. And says you can make mistakes while being OK. But creates a nuance of a mistake. And feels more accepting and more truthful.
These are two three letter words that carry a lot of weight in your conversations with others. Listen to yourself as you talk to your children or your husbands and err on the side of and.
