The Personality Characteristics of a Cheater
Posted on August 26, 2013 by Jasmine Myers, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
This article describes traits prevalent in cheaters.
I came across this wonderful study conducted at the University of Texas by David M. Buss and Todd K. Shakleford (1997) that examined the lives of 107 married couples. They found that the personality factors most strongly linked to susceptibility to infidelity were low conscientiousness, high narcissism, and high psychoticism. In addition they found that the relationship contexts most strongly linked to susceptibility to infidelity include being dissatisfied sexually, and complaints about jealousy. Now let’s break it down. Being low in conscientiousness means that you lack self-discipline, self-organization, carefulness, and have a tendency to not think carefully before acting. Narcissism is used to describe a person characterized by vanity, pride, egotism, or selfishness. Narcissist detest those who do not admire them, have a tendency to use other people without considering the cost of doing so, exaggerate their achievements, and have difficulty viewing the world from the perspective of other people. Lastly, psychoticism is used to describe a person characterized by aggression, assertiveness, egotism, manipulation, achievement-orientation, and tough mindedness. Personality is made up of the patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. Personality arises from within the individual and tends to remain fairly consistent throughout life. As for creating a context or atmosphere for infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction and jealousy are negative forces that can be hardwired into our relationships based upon our insecurities. Evolutionary psychology notes that women seek out men that can provide resources that will ensure the survival of her offspring. Men seek out fertile females that will ensure that their genetic code will live on. Therefore if a man feels as though you will cheat and that his child may not be his child, bingo, jealousy. If a woman feels as though a man cannot support the long term survival of her children and that another women or force will take that man away from her, jealousy results. Good sex requires stepping out of your ego and letting go. Sexuality is a visceral experience—not an intellectual one. Insecurity, will keep your thoughts spinning, keep you judging your performance, and ultimately destroy any possibility of getting turned on. Insecurity insists that we control sex and by its very nature, sexuality is not meant to be controlled. Sex is a shared pleasure that not only affirms and confirms the love you feel, but deepens and reinforces the intimacy that needs to grow throughout your relationship and your life. With all this being said, do not go into a marriage without working these potential issues out. Once a relationship becomes about compromising ourselves or denying who we are, we are no longer living in the reality of what the relationship is but in a fantasy of what we think a relationship should be. When we treat our partners with respect and honesty, we are true not only to them but to ourselves. We can make decisions about our lives and our actions without compromising our integrity or acting on a sense of guilt or obligation. When we restrict our partners, we can compromise their sense of vitality, and we inadvertently set the stage for deception. Couples must strive to maintain an open and honest dialogue about their feeling and their relationships. The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become. Conversely, the more comfortable we become with keeping secrets, the more likely we may tell bigger and bigger lies.Reference
Buss , D.M. & Shackelford, T.K. (1997). Susceptibility to infidelity in the
first year of marriage. Journal of Research in Personality, 31, 193- 221.
