Hope vs. Despair

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Wendy Costikyan, One of Thousands of Executive Coaches on Noomii.

It sometimes seems as if the world is spinning out of control. In recent years, the economic crisis has pushed many out of work, wiped out life savings, and caused many to lose their homes. Natural disasters seem regularly to decimate people and property around the globe. We are bombarded with stories of war, poverty, disease, terror attacks, death and suffering. We are increasingly stressed by the day-to-day pressures which build within our lives, at home and at work; we may begin to wonder how we can possibly cope with all the demands placed on us. Despair is a natural emotion to which many can, and will, succumb at some point in time.

Despair is defined as the complete loss or absence of hope. As humans, we can completely understand how despair quickly creeps in to our lives when we are faced with circumstances beyond our control or a terrible loss of any kind. Despair is a natural reaction; it arises not only in the face of major loss, but from frustrations or situations that grow and become seemingly intractable.

When a person is living in a state of despair, they lose confidence. In the midst of despair, we see only obstacles that seem insurmountable. Being ‘in the depths of despair’, we become discouraged, disheartened, pessimistic and resigned. We see no way out of our situation. Whatever circumstances give rise to despair in our lives, there is one common and unmistakable outcome of despair – inaction.

What happens, however, if we think about hope – if we make ‘hope’ a cornerstone in our lives? Hope is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Consider the following:

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Helen Keller

“The capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. It provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started.” Norman Cousins

“Thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions, and hope is the thread that binds up each.” Aimee Angle

What does ‘having hope’ bring to our lives? As the quotes above so eloquently state, having hope brings confidence, energy and purpose back into our life. It enables us to see possibilities, to move beyond our fears. As the English historian Dame Cicely Wedgwood stated: “..the nature of hope…(is) a defiant desire to make change.” By choosing hope, we choose to expect something different, and through that, one can achieve change.

A True Story of Hope

In September 2012, Larry Swilling started walking the streets of his home town with a sandwich board over his shoulders. “NEED KIDNEY 4 WIFE,” the sign read. Swilling, 78, hoped to find an organ donor for his wife by asking passers-by to donate their kidneys.

Larry and Jimmy Sue Swilling had been married for over 50 years. “She’s my heart,” he said. She was born with only one kidney and after years of kidney disease, that organ started to fail. No one in the family was a match for a transplant. Jimmie Sue was on a donor list, but the wait was about two or three years long. According to the doctors, she did not have that long.

Which is why Larry decided to try a completely radical approach to securing a kidney: asking for it, from total strangers. “I don’t care what people think,” Larry said. He told his wife, “I’m going to get you a kidney.” He didn’t really think it would work. But, he said, “I’m trying. I had to do something.”

It was really just a way to not feel helpless, which is why he was as surprised as anyone when the phone rang — rang repeatedly. Hundreds of people who either saw his sign — or heard about it — volunteered. For many months, there was no match, but he knew he’d almost certainly recruited enough volunteers — and raised enough awareness — to save someone. That was fine by Jimmie Sue. “If I get a kidney, fine. If I don’t, I hope someone else does,” she said.

But that was not good enough for Larry. And that’s why Larry kept looking. On September 11, 2013, his wish was finally granted. A retired Navy lieutenant donated one of her kidneys in a lifesaving operation. According to the donor, “It’s good to do something and give these people hope”. (excerpted from CNN and CBS News)

Moving into Hope

“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.” Robert Schuller

As a coach, I often encounter clients who are dealing with difficulties that cause them to despair. By recognising that we have all suffered from feelings of despair, a coach can bring powerful empathy to the situation as they support a client in moving from despair to hope. Helping a client to identify ‘where’ they have found hope in the past can support a renewed spirit of hope and positive expectation, and the commitment to move into action.

The first step to moving out of despair, and into a space of hope, is to think about a previous situation where you felt you had no hope, when you could not see a way out of your trouble or circumstances. What did you do to change that situation? How did you extricate yourself from a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness? Where did you find hope? Doing nothing did not (and would not) alter your condition. You must have taken some decision, found something positive to focus on, or moved into action of some kind. What was the result of that? Simply by moving forward, you made progress and moved out of despair.

As the Chinese philosopher Lau Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Did you find hope by being in action? By identifying something or someone worth loving? By being grateful for something? By changing or letting go of a situation or a belief?

“Hope has two beautiful daughters—-their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.” St. Augustine