Guilt and Responsiblility
Posted on September 25, 2013 by Nikki Mansergh, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Do you feel guilty when you haven't done anything wrong? It is called Toxic Guilt !
If you are going through life feeling guilty because you haven’t called someone, or arranged to take your neighbour’s aunt out for a shopping trip, or anything else which involves helping other people, STOP RIGHT NOW.
It may be that you take on other people’s life issues as your own, and you feel responsible for their wellbieng. Then, if they are happy, you feel happy. Sometimes, obviously, this is fine. Such as visiting your own mother, working with and helping your children to succeed (without being a helicopter parent), and your own spouse and close family. But everybody? All the time?
If you don’t do these things, who are you? Are you a worthwhile person anyway? Do you have a lot of trouble identifying the truly wonderful things about you? If you do, you are one of millions. But you are unique Nobody else on the planet has the exact collection of molecules and atoms as you. Think about it! Do you need to keep being over responsible in order to feel worthwhile?
But so many women in the western cultures are raised to believe that they should offer help, jump in and ‘solve’ problems for others, while suppressing their anger that they have to do it, often.
Clients I have had have a hard time relinquishing the ‘story’ that they are needed by so many people and looking at what it is they are searching for really. Guess what we all want. Love and connection. To belong. And when we walk the earth as separate (but interconnected) human beings, we will find other people with integrity and be on the road to healthy relationships, not ones built on toxic guilt and being overresponsible.
This is a much longer story but if anything rings true for you, then please get in touch. And have a happy, selfish day!
