The Importance of Self Talk
Posted on March 17, 2015 by Tim Peterson, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
Ways in which our internal and external dialogue impact us.
The Importance of Self talk: Self Talk is a huge part of what makes us who we are. It impacts how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about what we can achieve in life, how we’re viewed by the world, and how we interact with others. It impacts our self esteem, self confidence and self image. Pay attention to it. Internal as well as external. Is it negative or positive?
Most of us express some form of negative self talk as well as external talk towards ourselves. We learn it from our care givers, then perpetuate it for years creating who we are. Noticing how we talk to ourselves is the beginning to changing it for the better.
How my Dad helped me develop a negative internal dialogue :My dad called us stupid when we’d mess up. That and many other names, for years. I learned I was stupid when I’d make mistakes because of how he talked to me. One day, when I was in my late 30’s, I messed something up and called myself stupid. I thought about it and realized that I’d simply made a mistake. I wasn’t stupid. I had been perpetuating how I’d learned to see myself for over 30’s years, calling myself stupid or an idiot when I messed up, just like my Dad had called me. I learned it, then did it myself, and became it. I decided to never put myself down when I made a mistake again. I made sure to watch closely through the years while I turned it around.
Internal dialogue: If you’re trying to change your life, it is critically important that you look at your internal dialogue. Most of us pay little attention to our thoughts. We are often controlled by them. Many of us beat ourselves up without even realizing it. It just becomes routine. You will likely never truly feel “great” or love yourself if that is the way you talk to yourself. You will also want to look at your self talk regarding people you deal with. Is it positive or negative? If negative, it can be turned around. Being “mindful” or “paying attention” is mandatory in terms of turning it around.
External Dialogue: Is it working for you or against you? Are you sarcastic, critical, cynical, pessimistic or hostile? Do you often put others down as well as yourself? Do you call yourself stupid, an idiot or worse, when you make a mistake? Are you abusive, cruel or mean to strangers, pets or your family when you talk with them or when frustrated?Do you feel good about the way you communicate with others? Would you like to express yourself in a more loving and patient manner? The way we talk to ourselves as well as others helps shape how we feel about ourselves. You won’t feel good if you’re negative to yourself and the people in your life.
Ingredients of Negative External Dialogue: Sarcasm and teasing, though seemingly fun, have an undercurrent of anger and will keep people at a distance. Any kind of criticism of others will cause them to shut down, become defensive and diminish the potential for closeness. Pessimism will keep you in a state of discomfort as life will generally seem like a chore. Any kind of negativity toward self will insure your self esteem stays low. It will help perpetuate a negative view of yourself and your abilities.
It is critical to watch the words that come out of your mouth if you want to feel better about yourself and want closer more loving relationships with the people in your life as well as with yourself. Put yourself down and you will “never” truly feel good about yourself.