8 Secrets of Marital Texting
Posted on March 06, 2016 by Matthew Hoelscher, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.
Texting between a couple sometimes creates as many problems as it solves. Here are 8 secrets to keeping your spouse happy and satisfied by texting.
I never texted my wife until we had kids. Now, I don’t think we could live without it. Texting can make or break a marriage depending on how it is used. Here are some rules I’ve learned about marital texting:
1. Use return not send
Instead of sending four separate three-word texts, send one and use the return key to put a space, especially between thoughts.
How’s your day?
I’m excited I get to leave early.
That all fits nicely in one message. When you are busy at work, having a face-to-face conversation or are on the phone already, text interruptions get annoying back to back.
2. Use Punctuation for tone.
All say something different. The same word can be neutral, excited, and curious all with the right punctuation.
3. Not sure about the emotional tone? Ask don’t assume
If you are not sure as to the emotional tone of the message, ask for clarification. We are stimulated and we react, but then the mind goes and creates a story to give stimulation meaning. More often than not is wrong, and not correct in the stories it creates.
4. If it’s urgent, call!
Text message is all about instant gratification and not getting an answer back right away. It’s annoying for both partners to have to wait when you want a quick answer. If it is truly urgent and not just an annoyance, call.
5. Respect Work Hours
Text is like a backdoor to communicate with your partner. If you both do not work the same hours, remember to respect the partner that is working. They are not being paid to be glued to their phones.
6. It’s not a trust tracker
Text messages should not be used as a trust tracker. If you want to know what’s going on with your partner, where they are, or what they are doing, ask them directly or call. It is a really slippery slope to start creating a story around how often and when your partner replies. Most likely you are wrong and you are just giving way to your fears.
7. Don’t argue
If there is a big disagreement, don’t fight over text. Text to schedule a time to discuss the situation. If it is emotional, don’t hide behind text. Just as when dating, breaking up by text is cowardly, so is trying to keep an emotional or upset partner away from you by only communicating by text. Get on the phone or wait until you can talk face to face.
8. Remember the romance
Texting a great way to keep that loving feeling by randomly telling your partner what you appreciate about them, sending them a happy memory or tease them about your upcoming date plans.
In fact if you made it to the end of this article, send a text message of appreciation to your partner right now!
I really appreciate it when you …….
I feel so loved by you when you ….
Your ….. looked beautiful when you left the house today.
If you need more help with your marital communication call me today for a free 17 minutes strategy session to see how I can help you reboot your relationship.