Tell Me Who I Am
This is the first entry from the love is patient blog. It describes my personal struggle with who I was and why I was so desperate for love.
Tell Me Who I Am!!
“If I am so beautiful, smart, and anointed, why don’t men see it?” The Lord’s answer was “Because you don’t see it”. I remember different men I was attracted to during the years of my singleness. Where ever God was using them is where I felt I was called. If he was a men’s home director, I was called to direct a home, if he was leading worship, I was called to be a worship leader. The fact is I didn’t know myself! I didn’t know what I was called to be. And, I was looking to these men to tell me who I was!
Women who go through their single season focused on finding a husband, enter marriage crippled. An unhealthy woman cannot be a part of a healthy relationship. She will expect things from her husband that she should be finding in her relationship with God. This is not love at all my friend, this is co-dependence. It feels like love, but it is a selfish and self-centered desire. It is focused on what the woman feels she is entitled to and what her husband is not doing.
In order for us to have a marriage that honors God, we must first figure out what’s wrong with us. I’ve heard the meaning of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Yet this is how many of us approach relationships. We choose the same type of men, expecting it to work out differently. Since we don’t know what we are doing wrong, we keep doing it wrong. And we keep blaming the men.
The problem can be reduced to one sentence. We don’t know the value of our singleness. Our single season is the time we get established in our relationship with God. It is the time we are healed and we learn to think like Him. It is the time when He tells us who we are and why we exist. It is during this time we learn what we have to offer the body of Christ. We learn our own value. Then we know what sets us apart from other women. We understand that we are loved and why a man should be honored to have us as a wife. As our self-image is built in Christ, we will naturally make better choices when it comes to who we provide access to our hearts. This makes it easier to wait on the perfect will of God.
We need the ability to wait while we seek to understand what God wants to give us in a husband. God says for us to present our bodies to Him as living sacrifices, then we will understand what His will is. Not write me a letter telling me what you want and I will go get it. In the kingdom of heaven Marriage is for God’s purposes. When we don’t understand this, we will be praying for a marriage based on things that satisfy our earthly concerns. These things include loneliness, help with the kids, a father figure, financial security and, oh yeah, we want to do something great for God too.
I always say this, no matter the length of time we spend in our singleness, the day we get married it will feel like a fleeting vapor. The objective is to give God the time He deserves so that we will be complete and lacking nothing. Then we can go into our marriages healthy, knowing who we are, what we have to offer. Love is patient… and worth the wait.