You Hate Your Job, So Why Don't You Leave?
Posted on August 22, 2016 by Jana Corinne, One of Thousands of Entrepreneurship Coaches on Noomii.
Do you have a friend who has been complaining about her job for the past 6 months? 6 years? Is this friend YOU? The reason women stay...
Have you ever had someone talk to you about the same problem they had last month?
6 months ago?… 6 years ago??
Maybe you’re wondering why they haven’t changed. Why haven’t they fixed their problem? Why would someone want to be stuck with the same problem for that long?
It could be that the problem is a “safe problem”– and there is usually a much bigger problem at the root of this that has not been addressed.
By having this “safe problem”, the person doesn’t have to deal with the bigger problem. It essentially keeps them “safe” from having to deal with the larger issue at hand.
For example, I’ve seen many women stay in a job that they hate and make up all sorts of excuses for why they cannot leave the job. So many “safe problems” like these…"I just haven’t had the time to job search", “I haven’t had the time to network”, “I can’t afford to drive any further to work than I do now”, “I just can’t switch companies right now due to this family issue”, “I might be going back to school this year so I don’t want to rock the boat at work” or my personal favorite: “I just have too much going on right now to make a big change”.
The majority of the time I can see very clearly what the bigger problem is: They’re afraid.
They’re afraid to leave because it would be going to a NEW, unfamiliar place. They would have to train themselves on new procedures, system, tasks, etc. They would have to meet new clients. They would have to meet new co-workers and don’t know if they would fit in. They would have to take a different route to work. They would have to find a new spot for lunch. They would have to buy new work clothes…the list could go on.
All of this uncertainty can make people afraid to make that change. So, most people stick with their safe problem and continue to complain to others about their situation.
There is something comforting in complaining. People fill a need by complaining to others. Usually the person is looking for understanding, empathy, or bonding. Once they receive this, and it fills their need, the problem can actually become comforting to them. Why? Because it’s familiar to them. They’ve had this problem for a long time, they’ve rehearsed their story over and over in their mind, and it gets better and better every time they tell it. It gets juicier and more in-depth and people listen to them and give them the attention that they need. Their needs are fulfilled temporarily.
If you don’t believe me…then think about someone you know who has been complaining about their job for a very long time.
Have you ever bonded with co-workers over the same problems at work? Does it make you feel better to do so?
Does complaining actually solve the problem?
No, it just makes the problem seem more comfortable because now you share it with others.
All of us have created “safe problems” for ourselves. I am guilty of it too. The trick is to recognize your “safe problem”, and really dig deep down to discover the larger issue at hand. What is really going on? What bigger problem are you avoiding? Once you acknowledge the bigger problem, you can take steps towards working on solving this issue. My belief is that life is way too short to be unhappy in a job that keeps you from growing as a professional and as a person.
