How to Tackle a "Big Hairy Spider" – 4 Questions for All Leaders
Posted on August 26, 2016 by Stacey Staaterman, One of Thousands of Career Coaches on Noomii.
4 questions to ask yourself when facing a big hairy spider and more on Energy Leadership as a pathway to break out of your "auto-response" to stress.
“Mom! Mom! There’s a giant spider crawling towards me!” shrieked my 8-year-old. I took one look at the hairy beast and yes; I wanted to run screaming out of the room. I really hate spiders. I appreciate their role in the ecosystem, but the truth is: I get freaked out by anything meatier than a daddy-longlegs.
My arachnophobia was born one morning when I was twelve years old. I was sitting on my bed and discovered a huge black spider clinging to the tube sock I was about to put on. It looked just like the one pictured here – or at least that’s how I remember it. I could barely sleep for days after as, I pondered, there might be others lurking in the nooks and crannies of my room. Blech.
For my daughter’s sake, I put her spider situation in perspective. I didn’t want her to get unnecessarily upset. Or have her develop Post Traumatic Spider Disorder like me. After all, she wasn’t in harm’s way. It was a common house spider. So, I played it cool. I casually scooped the bugger up in a tissue and released it outside. It was over. My calm demeanor carried my daughter past a potential trauma without any crying, stress or upset. She was back to her iPad in two seconds!
Truth is: choosing something other than my default response was good for me too. This close-encounter-of-the-spidered-kind is an excellent example of energy leadership in action. I chose my response – instead of staying in the stream of unconsciousness (where I would likely fall into default thoughts, actions and emotions about spiders.) I led myself through the moment and consciously adjusted to yield the result I wanted. In this case, a happy child.
As a leadership and career strategy coach, I regularly hear about “big hairy spider” moments on the job from my clients. They come in all forms: the bad review, the sabotaging co-worker, the lost promotion, the crumbling business, unrealistic quarterly goals, etc. Most of us meet these “hairy spider” moments with single point-of-view – grounded in a negative past experience.
We often internalize related catabolic messages like: She never ever listens to me. He won’t know what hit him when I get him on the phone again. I’m no good at this job. Someone’s always trying to stab me in the back. I always get the short-end of the stick. I’m never gonna make it. They never get it, or me.
Catabolic thoughts and feelings drain us, make us defensive and shut us off from other possibilities. Further, we often anticipate the same result every time we encounter a similar situation and get stuck in “auto-reply.” This unconscious approach can drive us to a catabolic place again and again.
Energy leadership is about changing your “auto-reply” pattern – to consciously decide what’s best for you in the situation.
Many of our “big hairy” hurdles in business are linked to these self-subscribed limitations of our options. The good news: there is always another choice.
Next time you are staring down a “big hairy spider,” pause and ask yourself these 4 questions before you take action:
– What reaction will serve me best today?
– Is my “auto-reply” in control? Or am I in control?
– Does my reaction match the real risk I face?
– What other options do I have?
Once you consider these answers, you can lead yourself to what’s best for YOU! Consciousness and energy leadership can positively impact your life and help you slay those “big hair spiders” in your life.
