Six Steps to Magic in Your Life
We sometimes feel unhappy when things don't go our way. It happens when we get our motivation from the outside. It's the default law of nature..
From time to time my clients discover that the reason for some of the things they do in the workplace, socially or at home are due to feelings of unworthiness – feelings of not deserving of someone else’s attention, a reciprocal effort or respect.
When people feel unworthy of themselves it is usually because they get their motivation from the outside – from other people, things and experiences. When things go the way they want it to, it makes them feel good. When things don’t, it makes them feel bad, and usually unhappy with themselves.
This syndrome of unworthiness is not the result of something that happened yesterday, it is usually the result of years and years of conditioning beginning as far back as our childhood experiences. It happens to the best of us. I believe it’s the default law of nature. We all react to external circumstances because it’s easier.
Because it’s much, much easier to blame our unhappiness on something someone did or did not do, something that happened or did not happen. Because it keeps us in our comfort zone and we don’t need to do anything about it. How can we when we’re not responsible for it? When good things happen or someone does something we expect them to do and it makes us feel happy, we don’t think anything of it because, hey, we’re happy, what’s there to worry, right? And we think we’re fine. Until the next “unhappy” incident. And so we go through these ups and downs on a daily basis like a yo-yo. And we repeat. It becomes a pattern.
What’s the real problem? And how do we get out of this?
When we unwittingly rely on external sources – especially other people – to make us feel happy, we come to expect the 4 R’s from them: Respect, Reciprocity, Reward and Recognition. And when we don’t get it, we start the spiral by thinking that its because we are not good enough for them. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle that only we can break.
How do we move from being motivated from the outside to being motivated from the inside?
There is only one way and that is to understand that we can only control what we do, how we do it, even when we do it. That we can’t control what other people do, how they do it and when they do it. When we can learn to accept that, then that is when we become responsible for ourselves – and start to take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and actions.
Everything we do becomes a matter of choice. We don’t have to do anything. We do it because we want to do it. And so we don’t expect anything in return. Not respect, reciprocity, reward or recognition. They follow, because when we act with choice, we act with integrity.
How do we make this happen? Practice these 6 steps to get motivation from the inside:
STEP 1: Be authentic with yourself.
Do everything with intention. When we do something with intention, we do it deliberately and it is the first step towards taking responsibility for our actions.
STEP 2: Decide the outcome you want.
Ask yourself “What is the purpose of doing this?” or alternatively, “For what reason am I doing this?” – not “Why am I doing this?” When we do something with purpose, we decide the outcome we want.
STEP 3: Take action.
Don’t just think about it, do it. Activate those thoughts. When you’ve decided to do it, do it – as Mel Robbins, TEDx speaker says – “Do it in the first 5 seconds, otherwise you’ll forget about it and procrastinate.”
STEP 4: Accept the results.
Whatever happens or doesn’t happen, accept the results and don’t regret anything. If you get the outcome you wanted, that’s great. Be grateful and move on to the next. If you don’t, discover the lesson and do it better next time. Be grateful. Move on to the next.
STEP 5: Repeat, repeat, repeat!
When you keep repeating steps 1 to 4, you break the pattern of unworthiness and you create a new pattern of thoughts, feelings, behaviours and actions. You transform. And you did it yourself.
STEP 6: Watch the magic happen..
When you act with intention and purpose, you act from within. You expect nothing in return. You respect yourself, feel good about yourself, and you create an upward spiral of self-love. You make you feel happy. Not anything or anyone else outside yourself. Respect, reciprocity, reward and recognition may follow. If it doesn’t, so what, you did it for yourself