Noomii logo
  • For Organizations
  • For Individuals
  • For Coaches
    • Client Leads 67 new
    • Overview & Pricing
    • Coach Testimonials
    • FAQ for Coaches
    • Sign Up
    • Blog
  • Login
Noomii the Professional Coach Directory
  • Get a Recommendation
  • Find a Coach
    • Business Coaches
    • Career Coaches
    • Life Coaches
    • Health and Fitness Coaches
    • Relationship Coaches
    • All Coaches
  • About Coaching
    • Life Coaching
    • Business Coaching
    • Career Coaching
    • Relationship Coaching
  • About Us
    • Our Team
    • Our Mission
  • Help
    • How It Works
    • FAQs
    • Contact Us
  1. Home
  2. About Coaching
  3. Coaching Articles

UnHappy Discovery: How the Victim Role Was Shaping My Life

Posted on July 04, 2017 by Janet Parks, One of Thousands of Relationship Coaches on Noomii.

How do you play the VICTIM? Two simple questions could increase the strength of your personal leadership.

Recently I’ve been discovering how much of my behavior comes from the victim role. Damn!

I see myself as a leader, yet unconsciously I have limited my leadership to “big” moments such as business matters and running programs, but not to quiet everyday interactions. I have developed skills in leading others but forget to apply them in leading myself. The quiet everyday interactions, of course, are the things that I practice zillions of times and are really how I live!

This has me paying closer attention to the actions I take in the world.

To increase my awareness of this, I am asking myself, “What did I do today that came from the stance of victim?” and “What did I do today that came from the stance of leader?”

Asking myself these questions while visiting my parents this week, I’ve listed the following…
Victim: Staying seated on the plane for four and a half hours without getting up
Victim: Zoning out sitting with Mom.
Leader: Taking a walk outside during the TV news
Leader: Arranging a pool game with Dad

And just a few minutes ago…
Victim: Backing off on a suggestion of mine when I saw Dad’s impatient reaction.
Leader: Leaning in and staying connected to Dad until he shared his thought.

I felt myself physically pulling back from Dad and almost said “never mind” before he answered. Then, in a flash-in-the-moment shift, I turned back toward him and chose to wait for his response. My heightened awareness is working!

When it comes to personal leadership like this, it is not necessarily the action that makes the difference, it was where my intention is coming from. Am I resigned or am I choosing?

When I feel resigned to how it is, I am in the victim role. The words “I have to” are a red flag for me here.

When I seek a path that I am genuinely attracted to, even if it is sitting and doing nothing, I am in the leader role.

Another way to capture the difference is that in personal leadership I am acting in ways that are enlivening. My victim actions, while they create short-term safety, are deadening.

Going forward, I choose life! And I see that 90% of the challenge of shifting toward leading is my awareness of what I’m doing.

So how about joining me in this awareness exercise…
Ask yourself the two questions, “What did I do today that came from the stance of victim?” and “What did I do today that came from the stance of leader?” Keep running lists of your answers, and watch your ability to choose in the moment expand.

LOOKING FOR A PROFESSIONAL COACH?

Browse thousands of life coaches and business coaches in
hundreds of cities

  • ADD ADHD Coaching Articles
  • Business Coaching
  • Career Coaching Articles
  • Christian Coaching
  • Effective Communication
  • Entrepreneur Coaching Articles
  • Executive Coaching Articles
  • Family Coaching Articles
  • Finding Happiness
  • Goal Setting and Achievement
  • Health & Wellness Articles
  • Internet Marketing Tips for Life and Business Coaches
  • Leadership Coaching Articles
  • Life Coaching Articles
  • Money and Finance Coaching
  • Performance Coaching Articles
  • Relationship Coaching
  • Retirement Coaching Articles
  • Self-Improvement and Self-help
  • Small Business Coaching Articles
  • Spiritual Coaching Articles
  • Team Coaching Articles
  • The Law of Attraction
  • The Wheel of Life and Coaching

success!

Do you want Noomii to recommend other ideal coaches for you?

Yes, please!

About Us

  • About Us
  • Get a Recommendation
  • Corporate Coaching
  • Coach Blog
  • Career Blog

Learn About

  • Life Coaching
  • Career Coaching
  • Business Coaching
  • Relationship Coaching
  • Health and Wellness Coaching
  • Executive Coaching
  • Leadership Coaching
  • Team Coaching
  • Performance Coaching

Our Mission

Noomii is the web's largest directory of life coaches and business coaches. Our goal is to help you find the best possible coach for your specific needs. Want help finding your ideal coach? Request a referral or contact customer support

  • Follow us on Facebook
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Follow us on Youtube

Copyright © 2008-2025 Noomii.com, PairCoach Enterprises Inc. All Rights Reserved.

  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact Customer Support