Skeletons From Your Past : Making Peace and Moving On
Posted on May 18, 2018 by Visha Bhayee, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
4 key realizations from Visha Bhayee, on how to "Make Peace With Skeletons From Your Past and Move On."
Knock Knock, Who’s There?
Guess what, the Skeleton From Your Past, just popped out of your closet.
It happens when you least expect it and you hate how it makes you feel, every single time. Your heart starts racing and you suddenly break into a cold sweat. You try speaking out aloud, but that gnawing sensation in your gut, just won’t let you.
To make matters worse, the skeleton never arrives alone. As always, it’s accompanied by its two best friends – Fear and Shame.
A slide show of unpleasant memories flashes in front of your eyes; scared and embarrassed, you begin reliving that past experience. Eventually, your nerves do settle, however, experience has shown you, that sooner than later the skeleton will be visiting again.
What exactly are “Skeletons From The Past” :
“Skeletons from the Past,” as I like to address them, are closely related to the concept of the “Skeleton in the closet,” which indicates the presence of an undisclosed fact about someone, which if revealed, might have a negative impact on general perceptions regarding that person.
Skeletons from the past are not only dreaded because of the fear of exposure, but also due to the feeling of shame that they inflict. There is also a certain helplessness about regretting past actions / experiences, and being unable to go back and make everything alright.
Some Examples of Skeletons from the Past :
- Childhood Trauma : Mistreatment by an alcoholic parent, aggravated abuse, bullying that instigated self-harm, or drove the person to the brink of suicide.
- Relationship Breakdown : Betrayal of trust, emotional and physical abuse.
- Work Blunder : An irrevocable professional mishap, that damaged the person’s reputation at work, and left its mark on their career.
4 Realizations to Help You Make Peace and Move On :
REALIZATION 1. Mistakes are the Best Teachers :
Understand that Perfection is an Illusion. Every single human being that ever walked this planet has made mistakes. An error that you consider grave, could be viewed differently by another.
Of course, issues such as abuse are definitely serious, but sometimes it is difficult to confront the perpetrator, as they could have moved away or even passed on.
Tip – Learn from the experience, and do your best to ensure it does not happen again.
REALIZATION 2. Memories are Not Accurate :
Human memory is known to be unreliable, as it changes over a period of time. According to psychology, people sometimes tend to “selectively” remember the past, or misinterpret aspects due to a “memory bias.” Unpleasant memories are suppressed in an attempt to protect oneself, and pleasant memories are glorified.
Tip – Stop beating yourself up, based on your memory of a past blunder. Chances are that the people concerned with the event have forgotten most of it, and moved on with their lives.
REALIZATION 3. Regret is Useless :
What is done is done and what is gone is gone. Regret cannot change the past. Understand that sometimes we take decisions, based on what seemed correct in that moment. Too bad it did not work out the way you had envisioned it to.
Tip – Turn your regret into motivation, to focus on what matters most to you in the current time.
REALIZATION 4. Present is “Future In The Making” :
Wasting the time in hand, by languishing over past skeletons, sets a shaky foundation for the future.
Tip – Understand that the time ahead is going to be an outcome of your present actions. Invest into continued personal development for a brilliant future.
Summing It Up : Overcome the perfection myth and embrace your imperfections, as they have contributed to making you “uniquely you.”
Forgive yourself for your actions, and do try to forgive others, at least for your peace of mind. Learn from the past and live in the “now.”
About the Author :
Visha Bhayee is the leader and founder of EverythingMIND. She has been developing leaders around the world, for the last nineteen years.
As a certified Coach, international Corporate Trainer and Psychotherapist, Visha helps corporations and individuals, in the areas of Capability Development (corporate training,) Mindset Transformation (coaching,) and Therapeutic Healing (counseling psychotherapy.)
In essence, Visha is the catalyst that helps people Heal, Develop and Transform, for better professional and personal outcomes.
