Are You Relationship Ready?
Many want intimate relationships, but fail to plan ahead and then get disappointed when they don't work out. Challenge yourself & find out where you.
Most people want to be involved in a happy, sustainable intimate relationship. We yearn for it. We dream about it and even pray for it. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t happen the way we want it to without some trial and error. There are of course those exceptions which typically occur when we least expect it. However, when we fail to plan for this pleasant surprise we set ourselves up for heartbreak.
To be in a great relationship, doesn’t it stand to reason we should be relationship ready? Shouldn’t we know what we want, don’t want, can tolerate, can’t tolerate, can give to a partner, can’t give to a partner and so on? This seems reasonable; but, when those questions are posed to most people, they have to stop and ponder the answers as if they’d never thought of those considerations. Once the “huh” look disappears, they often give you the answers they think you want to hear as opposed to what they really feel inside for fear of judgment. This lack of honesty with ourselves can contribute to self-inflicted relationship failures.
Why do we not put as much effort into finding and maintaining the right relationship as we do into looking for a job, starting a business or picking the right name or doctor for our baby? Most humans truly want a healthy, loving, intimate relationship yet we have no real plan to achieve this goal. For the small minority of those who do have a plan, the world can look us like we’re crazy. We can be described as unrealistic, rigid or sadly sometimes in varied minority communities as trying to be those in the majority populations.
Why is it wrong to think we need to plan for this? Once we find someone we think we love (or could love) we plan our future together, our wedding and even where we live or want to retire. But once again there is no relationship plan. Some things to consider when planning for relationship success are:
• What are your core relationship values?
• How sensitive are you emotionally? Where are you on the emotional intelligence scale?
• What is your definition of the word respect?
• What is your argument style and what argument style can you tolerate?
• What are your most honest feelings and thoughts on sexual compatibility?
• What are your precise expectations of this person going forward and what can you comfortably offer them?
• How important are family ties & how would you deal with difficult in-laws?
• How do you plan to cheat proof your relationship?
• Can you accept a person with children and love them as your own?
• What role will your new partner play in the lives of your children?
• What are your financial needs and what kind of financial planner are you?
This is just a short list of things to consider but they are certainly things that many people think of AFTER a concern arises and by then they have a huge mess on their hands. The feelings of connection can skew your thinking and the results are often disastrous.
One of our most grave mistakes is allowing our emotions to take us to a place our mind can’t handle. It pays to be heart smart and especially so in a day and age where family values seem to be lost in a world of ‘if I don’t like it I’ll change partners like underwear.” These values even spill over into our professional lives as I’ve seen many time as an executive coach.
People have always said anything worth having is worth working for. I also believe anything worth having is worth planning for and that includes one of the most precious gems most of us desire – the loving, healthy , intimate relationship.