Valentine This: Bad Moments Don't Mean Bad Relationships
Posted on January 30, 2020 by Donna Russow, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
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With Valentine’s Day looming, it’s easy to look at all the larger than life relationships and think yours just doesn’t measure up. Society sets us up for expectations that cause many to question the quality of their relationships. We buy the lies that when you are in love your life will be perfect, you partner will make you happy and arguments won’t occur. Too many Hallmark movies, celebrity love stories and social media posts lead us to think if love isn’t perfect and easy then there’s something wrong. I hear this a lot at Russow Life Coaching & Consultation.
These myths take on an unchallenged truth that gets into our heads and hearts and can ruin many relationships. I know because I encounter it every day as a Licensed Therapist and Life Coach. I hear couples interpret an argument to mean they don’t care for each other or love the “right way.” They look at other couples and assume they have the perfect life and theirs is lacking. Their bad moments aren’t on social media posts! As a Relationship/Life Coach I point out that partners change, disappoint and disagree with us. Having a bad day or week with your partner doesn’t make it a bad marriage or relationship. I believe too often couples forget that. They ruminate over an argument or action interpreting it as “he/she doesn’t care about me.” It is more likely that the partner is worried or irritable unrelated to them.. Healthy boundaries are needed if the pattern persists, but it’s not an indication you’re with the wrong person! If abuse, betrayal or addictions are present, then serious help is absolutely needed.
So, this Valentine Day, if you are tempted to compare your relationship to others based on media blitz, occasional disappointment or what appears to be the perfect couple here’s some advice:
Notice the positive things your partner does. Maybe you don’t like how they do the laundry, but it’s done! A kiss on the check is a welcome gesture
Wink at them when they tickle and play with the 2-year-old or coach your teen. Let them know it warms your heart.
Pop the popcorn, fix a bowl of ice cream or cup of coffee and deliver it unrequested…yum!
Thank you at the start and end of a day with specifics is surprisingly charming.
Humor it up! Meet occasional sarcasm with humor…it’s disarming and bonding.
Remember what attracted you to them initially…linger over that and feel the connection. Tell your partner and watch them smile!
Recall fond memories of better times…create some new memories you can call your good times next Valentine’s Day!
Authored by Donna Russow, LCSW, CLC
Certified Life Coach www.askdonnanow.com May not be reproduced without author’s permission or recognition
