Toxic Positivity: Embracing Your Low Moments
Posted on February 18, 2020 by Kristin Fehrman, One of Thousands of Life Coaches on Noomii.
“Good vibes only!” and “be happy!” are cute and all, but what are we supposed to do with the bad vibes?
Highs and lows are a normal part of everyday life- from bustling with energy to feeling like staying in bed until noon. Perhaps it’s the weather or maybe the moon cycle, but during the winter months I’m typically on the “low” end of the spectrum. Apparently, I’m not the only one.
Just when I needed it, a friend of mine shared her feelings for the day, frustrated with people who encourage her to “think positive!” and to “stop complaining.” No matter what the day, she fearlessly expresses her emotions, pretty or not- and that authenticity is something the world needs to see.
Sharing where we are mentally is not complaining. It’s exercising our humanness.
When we deny our feelings and our unpleasant emotions, we are simply burying them, only to resurface later. Our emotions, our stories, and our ups and downs aren’t meant to be hidden- they’re meant to be dealt with.
“Good vibes only!” and “be happy!” are cute and all, but what are we supposed to do with the bad vibes? The depression? The anger? The fear? Are we supposed to cover it up with pastel prints and add some sparkle? Do we continue to mask the discomfort to please someone else?
Of course not.
Toxic positivity usually isn’t about the person who is going through the emotion- but it does has everything to do with the people who encourage them to “smile!” or to “be grateful!” Why? It makes them more comfortable.
We can be grateful and still be sad.
We can have a bad day and be excited for tomorrow.
How we feel at the moment doesn’t determine how we will feel the next.
Perhaps there are people who are naturally sunshine and rainbows, but my guess is most of us aren’t. I embrace my moods. I can see light through the dark. I don’t have to package up my pain into a smile and a facade; because there is something powerful we can do with discomfort.
Although I do believe it’s a waste of time to tell someone to “just be positive,” I don’t think being in a slump is a negative thing. Our moods help us to determine what is going right and what is going wrong in our lives. When things change, they make room for something different. If we no longer are going in a certain direction, we are given a choice to alter our path.
If we can use our problems and turn them into potential, whether it’s a learning opportunity or a new idea, the world may start embracing the negative- because that is when true change happens.
