Posted on April 19, 2011 by Rusty May

The national debate over bullying is reaching a fevered pitch as states and local school systems struggle to find ways of dealing with this important issue. I believe that coaches can play an integral role in helping the families of bullies and victims, and in the development of new programs that will focus on social skills training and continuing education.

My coaching partner and good friend, Tammy Erickson, is also a 4th grade teacher. We were talking about bullying recently and she summed it up perfectly when she said, “I don’t think I have a single bully at my elementary school. What I do have are a lot of socially challenged students who come from struggling families and take it out on others”.

Science Daily echoes those thoughts in a July 9, 2010 article titled, Who Is Likely to Become a Bully, Victim, or Both? New Research Shows Poor Problem-Solving Increases Risk for All. The article refers to new research published by the American Psychological Association which concluded that “Children and adolescents who lack social problem-solving skills are more at risk of becoming bullies, victims or both than those who don’t have these difficulties. But those who are also having academic troubles are even likelier to become bullies.”  Clayton R. Cook, PhD, of Louisiana State University, goes on to say, “Ultimately, we want to develop better prevention and intervention strategies to stop the cycle before it begins.”

Additionally, Cook says, “A typical bully has trouble resolving problems with others and also has trouble academically. He or she usually has negative attitudes and beliefs about others and feels negatively toward himself/herself.”  A typical victim is likely to be aggressive, lack social skills, think negative thoughts, and experience difficulties in solving social problems. The typical bully-victim (someone who bullies and is bullied) also has negative attitudes and beliefs about himself or herself and others.”

From where I sit, this is what coaches do best and what coaching is all about. We help people create new thought patterns and make more effective choices. My coaching style is based on cognitive behavioral therapy. I coach clients to first understand their thought processes and then help them put new thoughts and patterns in place to attain better results.

At this point, most of the discussion about dealing with bullying revolves around strict laws and harsher punishments for offenders. If we try to enforce a Zero Tolerance policy, what are we supposed to do with the offenders? Are we thinking about jail? We don’t have the money for alternative schools and we’re not prepared to put children on the street at 12 or 13. As coaches, we’re trained to believe that most people have it within themselves to overcome and accomplish. Our role is to provide them with the tools and support they need to succeed. A lot of the strategies that aren’t working in adulthood were adopted on the playgrounds of elementary school.

Coaches can help adults and children alike, and I encourage anyone reading this article and struggling with these issues to seriously consider coaching for yourself or your family. To my colleagues, I encourage you to get involved in the conversation about bullying and let people know that we can help with these issues going forward. As coaches, we have the unique privilege of helping clients create new bridges to themselves, their thoughts and their creative reality in the world. I say let’s also help the education system build a bridge to the kind of social environment they envision in the 21st century and beyond.