Posted on May 17, 2011 by Nicole Burley

Could you muster the calm to land an airplane on the Hudson River? Could you gather the focus to figure skate in the Olympics 4 days after the loss of a parent? I will go out on a limb and say that most of us will never find ourselves in those exact situations – but the question becomes: How do you handle high-stress moments or conflicts? Are you the Calm? Or the Storm?

We’ve probably all encountered those wonderful people who just seem to be at their best in a crisis. They’re able to stay calm, focused, and they’re able to stick with facts and reality as they figure out how to move forward. They’re the people who make us say, “THAT’S who I want on MY team the next time something goes wrong”. Don’t we all want to take every flight with Sully?

We’ve also probably seen those people who, for all their best intentions, seem to create bigger storms when faced with conflict or stress. They become overwhelmed with their emotions and their imagination of dark possibilities. They seem to grasp and flail at external solutions, rather than seeking calm and answers from within.

I have a dear friend with a unique gift for imagery. She refers to these ‘stormy’ people as being akin to angry, screaming monkeys wearing diapers. Vivid, no? But actually quite accurate, I think!

Diapers and monkeys aside, what is the deeper difference between the ‘calm’ people and the ‘storm’ people?  Why do some people seem to grow MORE focused when faced with stress, while others seem to spin out of control and make things harder?

There are likely several very good answers, many of them based upon the unique make-up of the people involved. In the big picture, though, I think it’s safe to say that if you don’t feel calm and peaceful, strong and focused deep inside yourself on a mundane, boring old Tuesday……it’s going to be harder to muster those same qualities in a time of crisis.

Some people make the mistake of thinking that ‘calm’ is simply the absence of catastrophe – as though ‘calm’ is something they have no real control over. True inner calm and fortitude is a constant, daily practice – whatever form that takes for each of us – so that it can be there for us when we need it most.  It requires active participation on our part to cultivate it and nurture it. We get into trouble and set ourselves up for…..diapers…..if we rely too much on our external environment to ‘keep’ us calm and measured. We cannot simply cross our fingers and hope that no one upsets us, or nothing goes wrong at work, so that we can stay peaceful. Staying calm and peaceful is a choice. The external will change, the external is often beyond our control. The storm will come. What matters is how you handle it.

So my question for you is: Are you the Calm or the Storm??